MOTHERLY DEACONESS

Motherly Deaconess

Written by Austen J. Brauker

Plot Summary: This short play is a realistic drama about a young Native American girl (PENNY) who has gone to a Catholic birthing center to have her baby. The child will be given up for adoption as soon as it is born. PENNY is 15 years old and the baby’s father (Dog) has been killed (additional twist: Penny found out that Dog was actually her first cousin). PENNY befriends another patient (LUCY), a drug addicted prostitute who has gotten pregnant while working the streets for fix money, mostly servicing priests. The nuns who run the ward are strict and concerned only with producing healthy babies for needy families (who happen to have a lot of money to pay for the babies). The lead nun, SISTER MARGARET, becomes PENNY’S nemesis. This antagonism is amplified when LUCY goes into labor and then is rushed away to give birth. Penny never sees her friend again. Penny confronts Sister Margaret, knocks her unconscious and then escapes in the Nun’s clothes. Penny makes it a short distance from the facility and then goes into labor from the exertion. She is helped by three street people while she gives birth.

Setting: The play takes place in Minneapolis Minnesota at a Catholic Hospital where young pregnant girls have been targeted by capitalistic nuns and talked into giving up their babies for adoption. The surroundings are sterile and sparse. It is a hospital ward. There is nothing cheery to be found. The sound of intercom calls to different wards occasionally comes over a loudspeaker in hospital code. Footsteps echo against the cold bare halls. The nuns have an exaggerated volume and rhythmic cadence, like Nazi storm troopers. The opening takes place in the room of the two girls (Penny and Lucy). They each have a steel bed with a small stand next to it. The walls are bare. There is a single wooden door. Sister Margaret’s office is the same except for the addition of a desk, telephone and two chairs. The same walls and wooden door are present. The outside scenery has no staged background.

Characters:

1) Penny Yarrow – she is 15 yrs. old and pregnant. Native American (Ottawa).

2) Lucy – Penny’s drug addicted friend.

3) Sister Margaret – Head Nun. Director of the Motherly Deaconess facility. Tall and pristine.

4) Jigger- a street bum, white male.

5) Klang- a street bum, black male.

6) Purdy- street bum, female.

7) Orderlies- Two hospital thugs in white uniforms. Big bulky and silent.

MOTHERLY DEACONESS –

(A spotlight illuminates Sister Margaret at her desk in front of the curtain. The phone rings. She picks up the receiver and addresses the call.)

SISTER MARGARET – Motherly Deaconess. The guiding star for young women with troubled roads. …Yes, we are located in Minneapolis Minnesota….Why yes, we do…..and how old are you?....hmmmm…..let me see…..Motherly Deaconess birthing facility will feed you, take care of all medical expenses, provide you with a safe and warm place to live and….yes….yes….the baby will be placed for adoption with a loving pair of good parents…reliable and religious parents. They will be happy to take the burden of responsibility from you….yes…everything is highly confidential…yes, We take Indians too, all are equal in the eyes of the Motherly Deaconess…(Sister Margaret scribbles notes on some papers.) Yes, then we will see you soon. (Sister Margaret hangs up the phone. Picks it back up and hits a button to connect her to the main office receptionist. Her tone changes from sweet to businesslike.) Sister Marie. This is Sister Margaret. We have a new arrival…Due tomorrow. Her name…(she looks at the papers.) Penny. She’ll be driving herself here from Michigan…oh yes….and she’s an Indian. Yes, the feather kind. That should stir some interest…yes…last time the bids were almost triple the normal rate. Oh, they certainly do. Something about “taming the wild savage,” that really gets them going. Yes. I think she said Ottawa…

(Lights fade. Sister Margaret leaves the stage. The curtain opens. The lights fade in slowly to reveal two young girls in hospital beds. Heavy footsteps are heard going past the wooden door of their room. The girls both appear to be sleeping but the one on stage left [Lucy] gets out of bed and sneaks across the room when the footsteps have gone by. She listens through the door. Lucy is 9 months pregnant.)

LUCY- She's gone. (Lucy hurries to Penny's bed and sits at the foot. Penny sits up.)

PENNY- Are you sure? I don't want to get in trouble on my first night here.

LUCY- It's okay. Nuns are like clockwork. It will be another hour on the dot before she goes by again. Anyway, what are they going to do? Kick us out? They have their own agenda. (She rubs her full belly.) And we have something they want.

PENNY- What do you mean?

LUCY- You don't think they're doing this out of the goodness of their hearts do you? Or for god? Don't kid yourself, kid. This is a business. Hand over fist. Those black nun frocks don't pay for themselves. (She looks around nervously.) I wish I had a cigarette!

PENNY- (meekly) I don’t have one. I quit as soon as I found out I was pregnant.

LUCY- (Lucy rolls her eyes.) How far along are you anyway? You look about six months, I'd say. (She reaches up to move the blanket, to look at Penny’s belly, but Penny pulls the blanket up tighter to herself.) I just wanted to look. I'm not going to hurt you. It's not me you should be worrying about.

PENNY-(meekly, after a pause.) Seven.

LUCY- Seven. You got a ways to go girl!

PENNY- What do you mean ‘it's not you I should be worrying about?’

LUCY- I remember month seven. Just wait. It gets worse! (There is another long pause.)

PENNY- Are you going to answer me or what? I’m scared enough as it is.

LUCY- (looks around furtively, even though she knows no one else is there.) What do you think this is all about? I mean, all this? (She sweeps her arm to indicate the hospital.) These people have a corner on the baby market. They've got a racket going here. Rich people come here to buy babies. It’s a big auction house. Couples who can't have their own kids. Barren, sterile, whatever it is, they have money and that's what talks in this world, even to Nuns. Money’s money, honey. I've been here since I was about three months. They fatten us up like pigs and then as soon as the baby comes, they don't want us around no more. I've seen it happen. One after the other. All the girls before me. As soon as that baby comes out… (She makes a birthing gesture with both hands) they pack up your stuff and show you out the door. (Lucy ends up pointing at the door to their room) They aint got no need for you then. It’s ‘bye bye, nice knowin’ ya.’ …They don’t care. One girl came back an hour later, blood all down her legs. Looked like she needed a doctor pretty bad. They didn't do nothin'. Gave her a towel. Told her to go to the nearest emergency room. Said they’d pray for her.

PENNY- You're making this up. I…I just don't believe it.

LUCY- Oh, you'll see. If I could get outta here, I would. This place is worse than a jail. Buzzer doors. Security guards. Didn't you see all the cameras on the way in? Sure, you get all the food you want, but try to change your mind about givin’ up that baby (she points at Penny’s belly) and then see what they do. (Lucy tries to soften her voice again, as if someone is listening.) I tried it. I told them a month ago I wanted to keep my baby. They sent me to a special counselor. Three times a day. They tried hypnosis. Tried threatenin’ me. They tried everything. Kept me locked in my room all day until I finally convinced them I’d changed my mind. I finally told ‘em that they could keep the baby. Talk about mind control. (Lucy lightens up as if resigning to her fate.) I don't have anyone to help me anyway. Same story my whole life. I been on my own since I was thirteen. Ran away. Hit the streets. Before I knew it, the streets hit me back. Well, you know the story. Started riding the horse.

PENNY- (confused.) No. No, I don't know the story. I came from a little reservation in Michigan. I don't know anything about the "streets.” Our roads are mostly dirt. Some are just little two-tracks. We don't even ride horses. Those are plains Indians …out West.

LUCY- No. Not real horses. I mean hooked on the H. You know. Cheese? Brown sugar. Black tar?

PENNY- (more confused.) What are you talking about?

LUCY- (in a duh tone.) HER-O-IN!?

PENNY- Oh. I’ve heard of that. Why didn't you just say that then?

LUCY- Nobody ever just says it. It always has nicknames. Keeps up the illusion that it’s something else, something dreamy. That way, you don't have to think about what it really is…what you're doin’ to yourself. A defense mechanism I guess. Anything not to have to think about it. (Lucy rolls up her sleeve to show Penny her scarred up arm.)

PENNY- Oh my god! That's awful.

LUCY- Yeah. (offended.) Well you're no angel are you miss hot pants? I know what you been up to, to get yourself in here. (Lucy turns away from Penny.)

PENNY- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to judge you.
LUCY- It’s okay. (Lucy turns back as if nothing happened.) Just a sensitive area. Talking about the tar makes me want to have it again. Gets me craving. (She looks up into her imagination, longingly.) I hate it so much, (gets a hungry tone.) but I would give my goddamn arm for some right now!

PENNY- It was my cousin.

LUCY- What?

PENNY- Dog. That was his name. The guy that got me knocked up. My Dad's brother’s son. We didn’t know. I didn't know, until after we already did it. Neither of us did. It was my first time. He was my first boyfriend. Thought I was in love.

LUCY- That's really messed up.

PENNY- Yeah! Tell me about it. That’s what everyone said. The rez is small too. Everybody knew about it. I had to leave. I had to get out of there. My aunt wanted me to have an abortion, but I just couldn't.

LUCY- Why not. I would have.

PENNY- Dog got killed.

LUCY- Oh, I see… (Tense pause.) And you didn't want to kill his only offspring…right? Still, kinda messed up if you ask me.

PENNY- (as if talking to herself, staring off in a monotone.) My mom hasn't been around for a long time. She stopped in once last year, for about a day. Then she was off to another Pow-wow somewhere. (Loses monotone. Snaps back. Gets more upbeat.) She sends postcards. Sometimes a picture of herself with some new guy she met. My aunt pretty much took care of me for most of my life. I mean, she let me live with her, anyway. She’s at the casino most of the time, or at bingo. She said I should probably go away for a while. Sort things out. Meaning, ‘get an abortion and come back after things settled down’. Things never settle down though. There's no running from this. Everyone at home knows about it. I had to go to the clinic where Dog's mom worked. His old girlfriend was looking to beat me up. I don't know...

LUCY- Sounds rough.

PENNY- Yeah, we all got it rough though. I can't say it’s any worse than anybody else. Everybody's got something. I have this though. She sent it to me in her last letter. (Penny pulls out a feather and strokes it with her fingers) It’s from an eagle. I guess it came from way up north somewhere.

LUCY – That’s real pretty. Just don’t let the Nuns see it. They’ll take it right away. Looks like voodoo to them.

PENNY - Yeah. My Grandma told me stories. She was rounded up when she was a kid. Priests and Indian agents. They took all the kids off to boarding school. I mean all of them too. Every last kid they could find got rounded up. Can you imagine? No kids playing. (Looking at the feather and stroking it) No laughter. Makes me shudder. Just a bunch of sad grown-ups wondering where all their kids went. To me kids are like the face of god. They are like happiness. (Pause) Gentle. (Pause) Love.

LUCY- So. You're gonna give your baby up? Then you want to go back?

PENNY- I never want to go back. I just don't have anywhere else to go. 'Cept here. Plus they feed me. I don't want this baby to die. I just know I can't take care of it. Especially being...well, you know...

LUCY- Yeah. How did you ever get with Dog anyway? Isn't that kinda weird, or is that some kind of Indian thing?

PENNY- No. We didn't know. His Dad was gone, Dog never knew him. We grew up on different reservations. Just got to talkin' and realized my uncle had the same name as his Dad. It took a few seconds… but then we both realized it at the same time. We didn't talk anymore after that. We went our own ways and that was that. Then he got killed.

LUCY – Was it the Indian agents?

PENNY - No. He just fell asleep all drunked up, and then died. (Comedic pause.) He didn’t realize he was on the train tracks. (resigned.) Got run over by the night freight.

LUCY- No way! That's so messed up! Sounds like a movie or somethin'. (She tries to keep a straight face but ends up laughing. Penny can’t help herself either. They both start laughing. Sister Margaret bursts into the room.)

SISTER MARGARET- (stern.) You girls need to be in bed! Lucy, get back where you belong! You both need your rest. It’s not just you anymore. There’s two to consider now. There's a baby inside there that you need to be thinking about. (She becomes bubbly with rhetoric.) Proper food, proper rest…that will make the baby best! (Back to being stern.) It’s almost three o'clock. I don't want to hear anything out of this room again! (Sister Margaret notices the feather in Penny’s hand, walks over, and takes it from her.) And you won’t be needing this kind of devilishness anymore. We don’t live in caves Penny…(she looks disapprovingly at the feather.) or worship animals. (Sister Margaret leaves and closes the door.)

LUCY- Bitch!

SISTER MARGARET- (from outside the door.) I heard that!

LUCY- (whispers.) Bitch. (The girls both start giggling.) Sorry about your feather Penny.

PENNY – It’s okay. Sometimes you have to let them fly free. It was from my mom anyway so I didn’t expect it to stay around for too long. Just like her.

LUCY – but still…

PENNY- So what about you? Who got you pregnant?

LUCY- I can’t tell.

PENNY- That’s not fair! I just told you my whole life story!

LUCY- No. I mean I can’t tell you who it was. (pause) because I’m not sure. See. I got this problem with the wax. You know. (She sounds dreamy) The juice. Black magic.

PENNY- You can just call it what it is Lucy. It’s heroin! Deadly god-awful heroin!

LUCY- Look. I’m trying my best here. I’m trying to tell you why. See. I slept with a lot of men. Old ones. Fat ones. Priests. Midgets. Whatever. Mostly a bunch of sick perverts. They paid me. It paid for what I needed. That’s why I did it.

PENNY- You’re a call girl?

LUCY- Who’s being naïve now. You want to call everything by what it is, then just say it. I’m a whore! I’m a whore, Penny! (Calms down.) Still would be doin’ it too if I wasn’t in here. (Changes tone, gets frustrated.) You don’t know. You don’t know what it’s like. (Pause) I don’t think I want to talk about this anymore. (Lucy rolls over and covers up with the blanket with her back to Penny.) Just leave me alone.

PENNY- (gets up and goes to the foot of Lucy’s bed. She puts her hand on Lucy’s shoulder.) I’m sorry. I didn’t mean…

LUCY- Yeah whatever!

PENNY- (gets up and walks back to her own bed. She sits there, staring at the floor.)

LUCY- (Looks over to see what Penny is doing.) You know what. Forget about it. It just really sucks. (She gets up and goes to sit with Penny on Penny’s bed.) I got some baby in here from god knows who. Maybe an old fat midget for all I know. All that sperm mixin’ up in me like some kinda dog. The worst part….It’s probably that priest’s baby. Pervert bastard. He’s the one who brought me in here. They got a whole system worked out with these nuns. This clinic. It’s all a big scam. And when the nuns get pregnant somewhere, they send them here too. Some of these girls on the ward are probably penguins. A couple of them for sure. Can’t you tell? They’re always prayin’ so much. Not like some fair-weather every-other-Sunday Catholics, but like they really know what they’re doing. Got it all down pat, like a robot recording. Blah Blah Blah Jesus Blah Blah Blah Mary.

PENNY- I don’t know.

LUCY- Well I do. I knew some of them before they came to the ward. Saw them with the priests who would come down to pick me and my friends off the corner for sex. I’ve seen their faces.

PENNY- Okay. I believe you.

LUCY-You do?

PENNY-Yeah, Lucy, I do.

LUCY- No one ever does. Not the social workers. Not the counselors at the methadone clinic. Not even the cops.

PENNY- I do. (Lucy starts to cry and they embrace. Footsteps can be heard in the hall. Sister Margaret bursts in again.)

SISTER MARGARET- What unholy thing is going on here?! You two get out of the same bed! Get back where you belong! (She grabs Lucy and tries to pull her back to her own bed. Lucy resists. Penny jumps in trying to fight the Nun.)

PENNY- Leave her alone! Can’t you see she’s pregnant! (Penny grabs Sister Margaret by the arm and the nun unleashes her fury on Penny. They struggle.)

SISTER MARGARET- Unholy heathen child! I’ll teach you to listen!

PENNY- Let me go! Let me go! (Sister Margaret has Penny by the hair. Lucy screams. Penny and Sister Margaret both look over to see Lucy with bloody hands, all wet. There is a puddle beneath her on the floor. Her water has broken and she is going into labor from the stress. The other two stop fighting and Penny runs to help Lucy. Sister Margaret goes to the intercom and presses the button.)

SISTER MARGARET- Room 23. Water break. We have a fighter. Repeat. Send orderlies. (Sister Margaret looks at Penny and points a finger.) I’ll deal with you later! (Two orderlies come in and subdue Penny while she fights them and calls out insults. Lucy is strapped to a gurney and wheeled off while she screams.

LUCY- Don’t take my baby! Don’t take my baby! (She is carted away. Penny is still fighting the men in white. Sister Margaret walks over and slaps Penny across the face. Penny stops fighting and glares at the nun. Penny spits in her face. Sister Margaret pulls a needle from her pocket and injects Penny. She passes out while vowing to get the nun and calling for Lucy.)

PENNY- Lucy! I’ll find you Lucy. .. Lucy! (Penny loses consciousness.)

(The lights fade. Sister Margaret’s desk is pushed on stage and the beds are taken off. The sound of the telephone rings in the dark. Sister Margaret answers the phone as the spot fades in on her at her desk again.)

SISTER MARGARET – She seems to be doing okay now. Its been almost two months since the incident…No…She is in perfect health…well, she’s an Indian, they’re probably used to just squatting beside a stream and pushing the thing out while they are off getting water, I’m sure one little ruckus like this will have no ill effect…(there is a loud banging at the door.) Can I call you back? Yes, only another week or two…Thank you… (Penny bursts in and confronts Sister Margaret)

PENNY- (stomps to the front of Sister Margaret’s desk and points an accusatory finger at the pleasant looking, smiling Nun.) You did something with her! I know you did! (Penny spins in a circle with her arms raised, showing her fully formed nine-month belly.) Lucy told me all about this place. This….this…baby factory! (Penny sweeps the papers and items from Sister Margaret’s desk onto the floor.) She stomps over to a chair facing the desk and sits down, folds her arms and turns her head away from the Nun. Sister Margaret ignores the outburst.)

SISTER MARGARET- Penny, I don’t know how you could say such a thing. Here at Motherly Deaconess we only want to help our troubled girls, by taking away the burden of being mothers before their time. We want to help their babies. Help them to find nice homes with…well, people who can care for them. People who have the kind of lives that are more suited to…to being good parents.

PENNY-You mean rich people!

SISTER MARGARET- Now Penny, just because people have money doesn’t mean they are bad, does it?

PENNY- And just because they got it don’t mean they’re good, either, does it?

SISTER MARGARET- (calmly stands, walks around the desk and starts to pick up the spilled paperwork from the floor.) You have such a hard head my little friend. You think everyone is out to get you. Like there is some kind of conspiracy.

PENNY- (under her breath.) What would you know about conspiracy? (Sister Margaret hesitates for a moment as if thinking, then finishes her task of cleaning the mess.) Try living on the reservation once. Everything is a conspiracy. Tribal council. The BIA. The clinic. The cops. Everybody’s trying to take something. Everybody thinks they got the power. They aint got nothin’. They don’t even know what power is! (Penny rubs her belly and then speaks in a baby voice.) They don’t know do they? (Sister Margaret stops walking away from Penny when she hears this tone. Then turns around.)

SISTER MARGARET- You know…Penny…that baby you are talking to …well…you have committed to giving it away to a needy family. I wouldn’t get too attached…

PENNY- Needy rich people! That’s a funny one! Everybody wants an Indian baby don’t they? All nice and brown. Black hair. Little warriors whooping it up in the play yard. What the hell? Why would I give this baby up to some rich white people? Tell me!

SISTER MARGARET- You signed a contract with us Penny. We have taken care of you for two months. Food. Medical treatment. Not to mention the spiritual direction…

PENNY- HA! Now that’s the funniest thing you’ve said yet! Spiritual direction. What do you know about that? Statues. Robes. Chanting. Mumbling those prayers over and over while you rub some shiny beads. You don’t know nothin’ about spirit. Ever looked at a river? Listen to the wind? You probably never even climbed a tree have you”?

SISTER MARGARET- Listen here Penny…

PENNY- No, you listen here! (She pounds a fist against her own heart) I’ll tell you about spirit. Spirit is what happens when priests come to your people. Take them off to their children’s prisons. Cut their hair. Beat them for speaking their own language. Rape them when they get the urge. How about that? Spirit! Yeah right! Try watching your whole tribe die off from some disease they gave to you on purpose. Never hearing the sound of kids playing because they all were taken or died. Spirit! You think that porcelain Jesus has any spirit? It’s just a hunk of cold nothing. Try living in a shack through February some time. Try having to make different meals out of the same old cans of commodities every day. If you’re lucky enough to get them. What do you know about anything?

SISTER MARGARET-I know that someone died for your sins Penny.

PENNY – If that’s all you know then you don’t know shit.

SISTER MARGARET- Well Penny, I know one thing. I have a contract here with your signature on it. Right here. You signed this. It’s like…well…it’s kind of like a treaty Penny. A treaty that you have to honor.

PENNY- A treaty huh? Well, I guess I know how to honor those. You all taught us Indians pretty good about that. I know exactly what you mean… (Penny picks up a statue of baby Jesus and hits Sister Margaret in the back of the head. The Nun collapses to the ground. Penny strips her clothing and steals the ring of hospital keys from the top desk drawer. Penny escapes the room doubling over in pain from a contraction just before she leaves Sister Margaret’s office. Penny leaves stage right holding Sister Margaret’s habit in her arms. The curtain closes. She immediately enters from stage left wearing the outfit. Penny is hunched over with pain as she enters the scene. Breathing in and out in short pants to counteract the contractions. She makes it a few feet and has to do the same thing again.)

PENNY- Lucy! Lucy, are you here? (Penny stops to endure another contraction. There are some street people drinking port wine at the opposite end of the stage.)

KLANG-Did you hear that? (gets up nervously.) I know I heerd sumthin’

JIGGER- Want nuthin’. You’s gittin’ them voices again. (Purdy and Jigger are laughing.) They’s sayin’ “Klang-you needs a-nudder drank!” (more laughter.)

PURDY- “and they’s sayn’ “Klang- forget it, let miss Purdy have yo drank. (They laugh more and Purdy grabs the bottle, takes a swig.)

KLANG – An’ dat crazy star bein’ up dare. (He points to the sky.) Shinin’ all bright like a holy far!

JIGGER – you means dah space station over dare?(Klang points to the sky with the bottle)

PURDY – Look like a space station to me too.

KLANG – Aint no space station! It’s a fire from the god. A message ‘bout somethin’. Somethin’ big a gonna happenin’.

JIGGER – Could be a street light down a road aways.

PURDY – Could be Klang took off his hat and that ole bald head came shinin’ back at him from offa da moonlight! (they burst into laughter.)

KLANG- You two need just shut up right now! Jigger. You too Purdy. Somebody over dare movin’ ‘round. Could be them kids again, the ones goin’ ‘round lightin’ us homeless folks up in fires, like they been doin’. SSHHHHHHH!

PURDY- At least we’d be toasty warm! I’m a freezin’ t’nite! Got five pairs a socks on too! (She shows her foot and wiggles an exposed toe.) I just wish they all aint got the same hole… and all of em right in the same spot! (Jigger and Purdy laugh some more.)

JIGGER- S’okay Purdey, you got more hair on them feet than a arctic hobbit!

PENNY-Lucy! (Purdy and Jigger both hear the voice this time and cut short their laughter.)

KLANG-SHHHH! Damn you two! I heerd it a-sho’ that time. Come from right ova dare.

(Jigger and Purdy crawl over to Klang, kinda cowering at his feet, still drinking from the bottle.)

KLANG- The way you two goes on. You two mighta just a well tell ‘em. “C’mon over and have a barbeque! Come on and burn up some no good bums!”

PENNY- Lucy!

JIGGER- (Mexican accent.) I’m over here Reeky! (Purdy and Klang both shush him.)

PENNY- Is someone there?

JIGGER- (takes a swig.) NO! Nobody over here but us chickens! (starts laughing. Clucks. Gets shushed again.)

PENNY- I need some help. Can someone help me?

JIGGER- I gave at the office lady! Now leave us alone or we never get our work all done.

PENNY- (She lets out a yelp of pain from the worsening contractions. Waddles herself to the ground.) Please!

KLANG- What do you think? Think it’s a trick? (gets more manic sounding as he progresses.)Like that fish that pretends to be hurt and then you swim inside and its just the tongue, screamin’ out like it’s all in pain. Then before you know it you in a big mouf dat jist bite right down at you!

PURDY- Shut up you! Its probly one o’ dem si-reens. Like da copzes usin’. Make you come out in da light and den dey grabs ya! Thrash ya ‘round and ya come back wif some kinda antenna in yo own backbone, catchin up all da ray-deeo stations like from out in space.

KLANG – (looks up to the star and clasps his hands.) Oh shiny star…or space station …or whatever you is so bright in da sky. Please…please help us po earthlings out down here. We’s been good. I doan deserve be roasted up like some kinda hot dog! Oh…space Jesus of the eternal street light…(Jigger has walked away while Klang was talking and is standing over top of Penny.)

JIGGER- Why it’s just a big panda bear of some kind!

PENNY-(looks up from her pain.) help me! Please.

JIGGER- (taken aback.) Oh my god! I think it ate a little girl! Get out here quick you two. We gots to help‘er! (Klang and Purdy come out from behind the bushes.)

PURDY- That’s no Pandas Bear Jigger, that’s one o dem satanics! Look at da way she dressed! Theys porbly da ones been burnin’ up us homelesses. I knowed it was dem satanics doin’ it. I knowed it! Look. I told ya!

KLANG- I don’t know Purdy. She don’t look to me like no bum burner, iffin yask me.

PURDY- You mean like when I ate all those jalapenos we found behind the taco-grillo?

KLANG- No, like when we saw them northern lights last week, but it was really just ole Jimbo from second street, all caught to flame, runnin’ down the alley. Dowzed wif da karo-seen. That’s the kinda bum burnin’ I’m talkin’ about, not the taco-grillo. But know what? They do got da best dumpster in town!

JIGGER- It’s a bear I tell ya! (Jigger is lookin for a stick.) I need a stick or somethin’ to pry that girl outta there before it swallers her all the way! We gotta hep dis girl!

PENNY- I’m not a bear!

JIGGER- shore you aint, you bear, dats what dey awl say! (he reels back to strike the “bear” with a big stick he has found.)

KLANG- Wait Jigger! When you ever heard of a talkin’ bear?

JIGGER- Read a book about it when I was little. They usually comes in threes! Damn things’ll eat all the porridge too. So keep yer porridge hid! Got they own different sized beds and everything!

KLANG- Okay. Okay. Say they is a talkin’ bear. Just say they is. Now let’s think about this a minute. Don’t ya think that might be worth somethin’ to somebody? Maybe theys a lookin’ for it. Maybe theys a ree-ward.

PURDY- O’ maybe it grants us some talkin’ bear wishes. If it talks it must be the magical kinda bear. Three wishes! (she claps her hands.) There’s three of us! (she counts them again to make sure.)

PENNY- I’m a girl! I’m pregnant.

JIGGER- (aside, to the others.) Says she’s a girl bear. What you make a that?

PURDY- Can you tell by the markin’s?

KLANG- …wait a minute. (He lifts up the bottom of the nun robe and they all peek underneath. They all look at each other, scream, then run for cover, passing the bottle quickly back and forth to calm themselves down.)

JIGGER- What the hell was that? (Purdy and Klang both look at him in disbelief.)

PURDY- I have stared into the eye of the demon. I will never be the same again!

KLANG- I think that’s a girl…I mean…I’m sure it is. Oh space station! Have the pity on us…

JIGGER-I told you there was a girl in that bear! (they both look at Jigger again in disbelief.)

PENNY- I am a girl god damn it. I’m having a baby!

KLANG- Pretend we can’t hear it!

PENNY- I heard that! (Penny is mad from pain and tired of their stupidity.) Now get over here and help me! (The three bums sheepishly inch forward.)You!, get me some water! (Klang runs off.) You! Help me with these robes! (Purdy helps prop up Penny’s legs and straightens out the wadded up robes.) And you! Give me that damn bottle! (Jigger hands over the wine and Penny throws it away.) You need eye glasses! This is a nun’s robe. (Klang has returned with water. All three of the bums shake their heads.)

ALL THREE BUMS- (in unison.) Now it all makes sense. You’re a nun!

PENNY- Here it comes! (The three bums are now certain that she is a nun. Penny is too preoccupied with her labor to correct them.)

PURDY- I always wanted to be a nun. (labor spasms, moans, grunts.)

KLANG- Can you bless this cardboard box for me. I’m ascared of it getting burned. (labor spasms, moans, grunts.)

JIGGER- My gramma was a nun. She had 42 childrens. (labor spasms, moans, grunts.)

PURDY- I remember now. Nuns can fly! (labor spasms, moans, grunts.)

KLANG- I think I’m going to rub her head for good luck. (Klang tries to touch Penny but she growls at him.)

PENNY- Get the hell away from me! (Penny starts to mumble, praying in her traditional Ottawa language.)

PURDY-What she doon now? Sounds like some kinda curse! She’s going to turn us all into something we aint supposed to be! We gonna get turned into toads or sumptin’!

JIGGER- No, ya damn fool. She talkin’ on the tongues. Spirits is speaki’ fru her. She talkin’ from the other side. (they all listen while Penny prays in Indian. Penny moans in between sentences, rolling her eyes and pulling her knees toward her chest.)

KLANG- I don like the looks a dis. Looks like some kinda trouble to me! Oh, what did we do to deserve dis? What life we had ta lead to be victims of such kinda treatment!

JIGGER- By the power of the wild irish rose and all the night trains put together! Save us from this holy curses!

PURDY-Shut up you two! The babies a commin’! (They all wait and stare dumbfounded as Penny pushes out the baby. There is no sound of crying. They all stare at it. Purdy finally picks it up and looks at it. It is lifeless.)

PENNY- What is it? Is it a boy or a girl? (The three bums are silent.)Somebody say something! What’s wrong?

PURDY- (Takes the dead baby to Penny.) He didn’t make it. ..He dead.

PENNY- (begins to cry, sobbing deep and loud. Wailing out her pain. She stops crying, slightly composes herself and instead begins to sing a high pitched haunting beautiful melody. It is an Indian song. She goes on for a long time, crying softly sometimes, in between and during the verses. Penny lays the dead baby on the ground and sobs into her own hands. Purdy lays her holy sock down as a gift. Klang offers an opened pack of cigarettes. Jigger brings out another bottle he had hidden in his jacket and sets it near the tiny corpse. They walk away. Penny takes off the nun’s habit and slowly wads it up. She places it in a garbage receptacle before blankly walking off the stage.)

KLANG – (Points up to the sky where he saw the shining star) Purdy, where’d that space station go? It aint up dare no more…Its all gone.

JIGGER – It want no space station Klang. No street lights neither. (He finds the bottle that Penny threw and takes a swig of wine.) We’ll never know what dat fing was.

KLANG – What about the Panda Bear, was that unreal too?

PURDY – Have a drank Klang. Jus fergit ‘boudit. (She takes a big swig of wine.) Bess jus fergit.

(from stage left, three punks in ski masks approach the bums from behind carrying red plastic gasoline containers and begin to dump the gas on Klang, Purdy and Jigger as they run away. One punk stands still while the others exit. He is attempting to light a zippo. After a few tries he gets it lit and runs after the others, red and orange lights begin to flash. The three bums scream as they are lit on fire.)