6 Gemma

 

the clouds have covered the March sun, hoods have been raised, shorts have been taken back home

Gemma

smug, snug, in her big coat, looking out the bus window, traffic is fucked, been sat here for ages, only had three pints, wanted to see Martha, let jimmy get off to wherever he needs to be

clenches the neck of the bottles of asda wine in each hand, come on, why are there so many fucking cars today, grinds her teeth, texts Martha, gonna be a bit late

day off tomorrow too, could get fucked up tonight, no, no, don’t, stay in, early night

Martha will be too out of it still, Sasha will be coming home too, they need to be together, not taking her mum out on the piss

but

    if

        I

            stay

                in

what the fuck shall I do

    what do people do

bus jolts, everyone slumps forward in unison, a collective groan, stuck on the bus, such a bleak place to end up

    I like taxis

        and planes

I wasn’t made for this shit

    stops at the hospital, a queue of people wait to get on, shuffling closer, huddling into each other’s backs, the wind has got up, the bus is sanctuary

    at least I’m on the bus

remembers, she has four tramadol at home, perks up, sits up, that’s it, that’s tonight

not all four, just one and then another one, don’t wanna get addicted to this shit, it’s just a nice way to unwind

    unwind from what, I’ve done fuck all all week, barely did any work, went to the pub a couple of times

    it’s not like I have a stressed life, not on the surface, no high level meetings or kids to get fucked up about

money, that’s the stress, lack of it, of course

at least the flat’s cheap, housing association, not many of them left now, all been sold off to people who decorated them horribly, sold up and went to live in ramsgate or some other shithole

        no way I am ever leaving that place

rents here are insane, I’d be fucked

bus moving now, green lights all the way down into town, feels her body relax, stops strangling the wine

 

    ____________________________________________________

 

Martha sat in the corner of the sofa, her legs tucked up under her, her usual pose

Gemma, sat in the middle of the sofa, leaning in to that corner, one hand on her wine, the other across Martha’s thigh

the TV is on, no one is watching it, 

Martha hides behind a can of cider, Gemma sits heavy eyed, she can feel her friend’s slender legs through her tights, her legs, so very tiny, how do they even keep her up

no one needs to speak, the being is everything right now

Martha reaches out a hand and takes Gemma’s in hers, she shuffles he arse over and kissed Gemma on the cheek, snuggles her face deep down into her mess of curly hair

    babe, not being funny, but do you ever wash your hair?

    haha, fuck off Marth, I washed it yesterday, or was it the day before, fuck knows

    it smells of pubs, that’s all

    you like pubs

    never said I didn’t like the smell either, did I

Gemma pulls her closer, cheeky cunt, I miss her when she goes

    how are you feeling now, Marth?

feels her shrug against her shoulder

    kinda tired but happy too

    do you remember anything that happens?

    you ask me that every time, Gem

    I know, I just wonder what it must be like to kinda disappear like that, like how you come back to earth

another shrug, Martha looks up at her

    you mean so much to me, what would I do without you lot, I’d be dead or something

    woah, babe, come on

Martha, crying but smiling, Gemma’s face tight with concern, Martha clambers up and sits on Gemma’s lap, both arms around her neck

        I’ll never let you go

 

    ___________________________________________________________

 

the sun starts to hide itself away, they sit at the top of the steps up from Martha’s flat, smoking, daring not to get smoke inside for when Sasha returns

    she’ll go mental Gem, it’s really not worth it

they face west, slight glow of red rising up from the slate roofs, silhouettes of unidentifiable birds etch themselves onto the scene

    Gemma

towel wrapped around her head, decided to get the stench of pub out of her hair

    Martha

smiling into the sunset, looking up and down the road for Sasha

    Marth, have you ever been to a doctor, you know, about all this?

Martha, sucks on her roll up, nods

    yeah, a few times

    what did they say?

    depends, one told me to take up running or a hobby to distract me, one sent me to another doctor who gave me lithium, one told me I likely had a personality disorder so there was nothing they could do

    fucking hell

    I know, it’s not like they don’t care, they just can’t grasp it, or don’t have the time or inclination to want to grasp it, I dunno

Gemma, takes off the towel, shakes her head, thick black curls fall around her neck

    I wish I had your hair, Gem

    trust me, you do not, I might cut it all off, drives me mad

    if you do that, we shall no longer be friends, no, I mean it, I could not be your mate if you did that

Gemma, laughing, Martha trying to stay straight faced, failing

    chuck their dog ends into the gutter, a passing cyclist gives them a side eye

    what you looking at, bike boy?!

cyclist pedals harder as Gemma bellows at him

    haha, he shat himself

    so would I if you shouted at me

yeah, but I never would would I?

except for that one time, all those years ago

yeah, ok, just that one time then

and to be fair, I think I did shit myself

 

    _______________________________________________________

 

door clicks open, they turn their heads from the TV screen they are still not watching

    a flurry of arms and legs career through the space, a blur appears between them, hands are held, kisses are planted, tiny shrieks of excitement punctuate the melee

    I’ve missed you so much, mummy

    I’ve missed you so much too, Sash

Sasha wraps one arm around Gemma, holding the pair of them at once

    I’ve missed you too, Gemma

    I’ve missed you too, Sash

they sit like this for a minute, Sasha draped over them, her bags and coat strewn through the flat

    are you hungry, my love?

Sasha nods furiously

    of course you are, you’re not even a teenager and already you’re eating me out of house and home

    I’ll be a teenager soon though, like, in about 15 months and 3 weeks

    something like that, Sash, yes

Martha starts to slide herself out from under the heap of people, Gemma slides out the other side

    you two stay there, I’ll sort the food out, babe-so what do you want, you little maniac?

    PIZZA!

Martha shakes her head, looks tired, weakened by it all

    there’s lasagne in the fridge, Gem, she likes it cold, do some oven chips too

Sasha bounces on Martha’s lap, Gemma worried that she might break her, looks at all the unswerving energy of the girl, sees Martha hanging on in there

    there’s half a tray of lasagne in the fridge, Gemma puts it on the side, flicks the oven on, drags a bag of oven chips out of the freezer

    Sasha

appears at her side, she’s tall now, same height as Martha, 5 foot fuck all, they spread the chips out over the oven tray, making patterns with the potatoes

    was it a bad one, Gemma?

    no babe, not really, Jimmy said it was not too bad this time

    like a medium one?

    yeah, pretty medium I think

    good, medium is ok

Gemma puts her arm around her and pulls her in close

    Gemma, is Jimmy ok? wait, that’s the dumbest question ever, of course he’s ok, when is he coming round, I miss him too..

she carries on talking, 11 year old stream of consciousness stuff, Gemma zones out, drinks her wine as the words pitter patter off of her, keeps holding her close, watches the chips turn brown through the oven window