Forgetting
By Beeme
Fri, 15 Jan 2010
- 1853 reads
9 comments
The rifle inches from flesh with a sickening lust
and the smoke curling like ringlets on your head.
The deafening blows from the gun quicken your
heartbeat and you walk. No you run away from all
of the spent bullets.
You have died and they have died.
It's all a rush of adrenaline and a deafening blow
to the life you've known and a job worth forgetting.
- Log in to post comments
Comments
I like your imagery here,
Permalink Submitted by Silver Spun Sand on
I like your imagery here, Beeme. It works well. (Just a minor typo in the first line, should be 'rifle')
In particular I like this phrase:-
'...smoke curling like ringlets'.
Nice one;-)
Tina xx
- Log in to post comments
Love the line Tina quoted
Permalink Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Love the line Tina quoted about the smoke and ringlets! Brilliant image, Beeme - and a very atmospheric poem!
Magic xxx
- Log in to post comments
Your incredibly advanced
Your incredibly advanced considering your age. Even not considering... Our ages are similiar but your poetry's very mature.
I love the last stanza
God bless.
-Oscuro
Stains..
- Log in to post comments
Scary. I think I should quit
Scary. I think I should quit smoking.
Thanks Beeme!!
Nolan
- Log in to post comments