The shadows we cast - intro

January 25th 2010. I Bert Matthews am going to change this year. Or maybe a better way of putting it is I'm going to revert. And I know revert sounds negative, but to me it's not. It's about going back, de-evolving, back into what's at the heart of me. Who am I really, once you take away all the crap. What people have told me I am, the bits I've believed, the bits I've ignored. I want to take a good look at my shadow, remove the additional items and face the real Bert Matthews. No, not even that. I want to take a good hard look at the shadow cast by Donovan Matthews, because when the add-ons start coming off, so will the school nicknames.

And the plan is to get to that core base level. And once I'm there, I'll see if I like him. And if I don't, I'm going to try and change. And I guess that's what I'm really wondering. Can a man look truth in the eye and change it to a truth he prefers? Or can one only avert their gaze, and paint a layer between truth and self to soften the focus.

So where do we begin. Well, I'm 32. I've been in the same job since graduating and instead of going for promotions I'm busy persuading my boss to keep me. To reshuffle resources elsewhere. And at the moment that's working but it's not what I had in mind when I joined. I thought it would only be for a few months, just until I found myself a proper job. I can't remember now what I thought made a job proper. Money, prospects, wearing a suit?