Hey chicken legs!

Hey chicken legs!

I just wanted to say I’m thinking about you after what you told me the other night. Are you sure it wasn’t just the Chardonnay talking? I never knew you had such invasive thoughts and I really feel for you but you know that. Like I said, I promise not to tell anyone, not even Ted.

Just don’t go on FB today. Everyone’s posting photos of dead people floating in the sea and I don’t want it messing with your depression/anxiety thing. You’re such a kind soul, an old soul for sure, so please don’t start thinking it’s not your fault because it’s not. It’ll spoil your outlook and you need to stay strong.

Think about booking an extra top-up session with that therapist of yours, then treat yourself to a nice summer dress and a director’s cut for the hols you can’t decide on. I’d say come to the villa with us but I know how much you like your independence.

You’re such a lovely person, an incredibly free spirit, but please don’t fret. There’s nothing you can do about it so just do what you’ve got to do.

Maybe it’s history’s fault or society’s or even God’s. Yes, that’s probably the answer. Damn religion does all the damage these days. It’s always been the same. Thank God for atheism is what I say!

Of course it’s not their fault, either, but it has to be said they knew about the dangers before they paid those awful men. It’s such big business now, £100 million a year, the media reckons. May be worth investing in Libya soon. Gosh, where did that come from? Only joking!

Don’t worry, whatever you do. It’s just trickle down economics and you do work in human resources so it’s bound to get to you. Just forget about it or maybe tell your therapist. She’ll probably be impressed!

Maybe it’s money’s fault. Someone’s bound to write a book about it with loads of photos of dead babies and interviews with nasty men. They could call it The Audacity of Hope but I think that’s already been done. Can’t remember the name of the author!

Not good for the Med either. They rely on us coming every year, couldn’t cope without us, but all those people washing up on their shore’s bound to be bad for business. They’re probably quaking in their sandals, poor dears.

Please don’t get yourself down, darling girl. You deserve your holidays and you’ve worked damn hard to get to where you are today but perhaps steer clear of the islands this year. I know you love the atmosphere there but the place may get taken over like in Zulu (ooh, for a young Michael Caine. Where have all the real men gone?!) Besides, the view from your room won’t seem half as nice when all you can think about is deficit management. You’re so good at what you do but try and leave work in its place. They’ll cope without you.

I say just have done with it and go east. The Caribbean’s awful in the summer anyway. All the wrong types, you know, tax dodgers desperate to keep their citizenship with all their latchkey kids in tow. Hideous people. Perhaps a cultural Buddist holiday’s the answer but make sure you brush up on your Marxism before you meet the Dalai Lama. He absolutely swears by it apparently! Avoid Nepal like the plague. You know what just happened there.

Keep India in mind but don’t book ahead. Do it last minute like you always do, just in case something awful happens between now and then. You only get three holidays a year and they really are lifesavers for you. To be honest, I don’t know how you do it. I feel so lucky having Ted and the boys.

Almost forgot to say! There’s a big charity bash coming up in September. Josh and Tobin are organising it and everyone’s going. I’ll send you a link. There’s a new guy in town that I want to hook you up with, too. He’s married but I’m pretty sure it’s on the rocks, absolutely to die for but not for me! Can’t remember what the cause is but it’s bound to be a good one so get yourself nice and toned on that holiday of yours. You never know, you might meet Mr Right? You so deserve to be happy, even if you can’t have kids.

Thanks for putting Tom up for that job. He got it!

Love you loads,

Turkey cheeks xxx