Meat Crimes - Scene 4

By Caldwell

Wed, 06 Nov 2024
  • 129 reads
3 comments
 

SCENE 4:

INT. SHANK AND BRISKET'S APARTMENT - NIGHT

Shank rummages through a box filled with mismatched clothes while Brisket stares nervously at the eco-friendly outfit laid out for him.

SHANK (looking pleased) Here you go, Brisket. You're going to be the face of the vegan revolution.

Brisket reluctantly dons the eco-warrior ensemble, complete with a headband made of recycled material. He eyes himself in the mirror, feeling a little ridiculous.

BRISKET (uncertain) Are you sure about this, Sarge? Making a video like this? What if someone recognises me?

SHANK (grinning) Trust me, Brisket. This is our ticket to saving Meat Crimes.

They set up a makeshift studio in their living room, with a poster of Morrissey surrounded by happy farm animals serving as the backdrop. Brisket awkwardly sits in front of the camera.

BRISKET (stuttering) Uh, hello, people of East London. Today, I want to talk to you about something very important—meat.

Shank, behind the camera, gestures for Brisket to continue with exaggerated enthusiasm.

BRISKET (CONT'D) (reading from a script) Meat is murder, and we, the meat-eating world, need to face the consequences. When the veil is pulled away, and you see what you're doing to these innocent animals, you'll beg for forgiveness.

Brisket finishes the testimonial, visibly uncomfortable. Shank gives him an encouraging thumbs up.

SHANK Bravo, Brisket! Not bad at all. A couple more takes and I think we're cooking on gas. Now, let's get to work.

CUT TO:

INT. LOCAL BUTCHER SHOP - DAY

Shank and Brisket, wearing sunglasses and hats, discreetly replace the real meat with identical-looking vegan alternatives in the local butcher shop.

BRISKET (whispering) But what happens to all the real meat, Sarge?

SHANK (smiling) We're going to have a banquet, Brisket. The best, biggest, most beautiful banquet.

BRISKET (confused) Won't that be consuming the evidence?

Shank laughs, patting Brisket on the back.

SHANK No worries, my friend. It's all part of the plan.

They leave the butcher shop, eager to see their scheme unfold and save the Meat Crimes department from its impending demise.

FADE OUT.

Certificate PG
Other
Meat Crimes
Surreal

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

'feeling a little ridiculous'. Fine for stories and narrative. But not for scripts? It's all show and tell. Feelings fall into that world of neither? 

BBC is now open for scripts of 30 pages or longer. 

https://www.bbc.co.uk/writers/opportunities/open-call

 

Submitted by Caldwell on

Thank you. You're right. I am getting lost. I had a 'half-baked' idea and am missing some crucial ingredients to follow through. About as oven-ready as something Boris might have come up with. On top of which I am not used to screenplays and therefore make basic errors such as the one you picked up on.

I will persist but I might take more time with it.

 

Submitted by Caldwell on

I began writing a script for a series of sketches, or perhaps a pilot for a sitcom set in a failing wax-works museum in Sheffield. The model shop is on an industrial estate, next to a smelter. It's the only lot available due to their poor budget but as a knock-on effect, all the wax models are misshapen and drooping. They have to keep returning models as the real-life celebrities they represent end up in hellish scandals. The situation is perfect for laughs, poking fun at celebrities, obsessive punters and weirdo craftspeople. But when it comes down to writing it, it's almost impossible not to fall into cliches and dad jokes. It just comes out as naff and disappointing. Perhaps I should just accept I am not cut out for that kind of writing. Sad because I always saw myself as a funny person.