A Royal Monster

One is a Royal monster
A monster of the Crown
One cannot abide commoners
Or those from out of town

One loves cakes and crumpets
At three on the dot each day
One doesn’t like idle gossip
Or princesses who get in the way

One doesn’t like Johnny Foreigner
Or garish headlines in the press
One doesn’t like marriages gone wrong
One likes to look one’s best

We can’t have those sorts of princesses
Who consort with those other types of ‘queen’
Who frolic on boats in the ocean
They shouldn't be heard nor seen

One has to take a stand these days
And stop things when they go wrong
It's true, we hated the ‘friendship’ with Dodi
But how we despised Elton John!