Skimblebean, Goopus & Snid - Part One - The Crime

On a medium lurpish afternoon,
In the county of Marmalund Mid.
Three friends they went a Blattering,
They were Skimblebean, Goopus and Snid.

Short of a Blat,
They remedied that,
With some junxious but low-level thieving.
But their small misdemeanour met something much meaner,
The outcome of which they're still grieving.

See Goopus he stole a Blattering Hoop,
From the garage of Gregor MacTaggert.
But his wife was a gimlet eyed Bunyip,
And she scragged him by the scraggert.
'Jy Mootin Looters Schmook! Be Gone!
Else I'll fetch thy Prehensile Gilbatron!'

Well Snid and the others were frimbled by that,
Cos they'd heard of that gangly harmocrat.
But he couldn't be real? A mere phantom was he.
Still they gurded their jimples and bristled to flee.

'Wait!'said the Bunyip 'Hold yer Boots!
I've something to trade for your crooked cahoots.'

'Alight ye chair now Greggy Mac,
I'm ardent to disparage,
Three dandy thieves
who stand accused
of robbin from our garage'

Now Greggor was a fusty man,
A Wurdle of the Grelbow,
Who hadn't worked for three score years,
On account of his fiddlers elbow.

'What have we here? Oh Bunny dear,
Three common robbin lizards.
Throw them to the Gilbatron,
And hang em by the gizzards!'

'Halt now Gregor, don't be hasty,
the pilferers are green and tasty.
Blowzelinda needs a spouse,
She's eat'n us out of home and house.'

Said Snid 'I don't like what you're askings.'
But Greggor grabbed his Gallagaskins.
'For now I'll let ye go all three,
But of of you must marry she,
Or to the Gilbatron go Ye!'

'Your Jammy Dodgers!' Bunny added,
'Bowzelindas nicely padded,
You'll be her first save Rector Spurge,
His donkey and the Gombean Man.
She'd put others on that list,
But Blowzey is a fantasist.
A Good name's better than a golden thong,
My Granpa said and he's rarely wrong,
If flawless virtue's not enough,
She comes with a dowry of splendid stuff,
A mule you can ride, a stallion you can't,
A gurning, incontinent maiden aunt,
A secret family recipe,
For Itchy Whippet Fricasee,
And if you're fond of bonny numnets,
For breeding them no-one is fitter,
For I'm a triplet, Gregs a twin,
And Blowzeys from a litter.'

'Steady Bunny! Draw it mild!
Their expectations will be wild,
Now we must go and cover chores,
The Flaffletrout are hungry.
We'll leave you boys to talk it through,
And fight it out among ye.'

The friends sloped off with added weight,
And fear their youth was over.
They supped on high strength Milbafloss,
Then buzzled in the clover.