My Heavenly Love

There was an angel, who was the most beautiful man I had ever met. His eyes always sparkled and were as blue as the summer sky. I was so sure he could see into my soul.

His name was Paul. Paul is such a saintly name. He had picked me to be his lover. He wanted me to be his soul mate.

He had blonde hair like the beautiful sun that alwaya shone when he was around. He was serene, caring and full of bliss. Everyone he met loved him, as they saw something in him that was different and cheerful. He made ordinary people want to live happy and fulfilling lives.

I asked him often why God had let him fall to earth, but Paul would never tell me, just turn away and cry. It hurt him not to be a loved one anymore and in heaven where he belonged.

I did know the reason. He had betrayed God by standing with the devil. He had been tempted but by what I did not know. Paul would pray in our room. He had always asked for privacy and I had always given it. I have to confess at this point that I was curious and so I listened to him when he prayed. I know it was wrong but I needed to understand him better and know the real lure that had caused God not to love him anymore.

One particular night, I heard his words. A passage from the bible, I think. He said, ‘no man can serve two masters: for either he will hate one, and love the other; or else he will hold to the one, and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon’. It touched me, but still I did not know what had tempted him to betray God and stand with the devil.

Every time we made love, I felt heaven. I had a feeling of love and peace. My soul was safe with Paul. Then I would see God. The only view I ever had of God was His back turned. I always wanted to cry out and beg for forgiveness. That would be the climax, the end of the lovemaking.

I could see Paul, my precious angel fading away every time we made love as his pain increased at being forsaken by God. Nothing I could do could make him better. I knew he was disappearing from me. His soul was dying and therefore he could not live.

His eyes lost their sparkle. Paul stopped laughing and spreading his joy to everyone he met. He lost his jubilant energy until there was nothing left, just an empty shell.

My angel died because my love was not enough for him. He needed God to love him and save him. He had fallen because of one mistake and God should have forgiven him before he left this earthly world where he did not belong.

I stood looking at the coffin in the dark, damp earth in the drizzling rain. The churchyard was empty. I was the only person there who cared. Everyone loved Paul when he was alive but now he was dead, no-one wanted to know. As I stood there, I wondered if Paul has been reborn as an angel again or is he just gone? His life ended because he lost his faith in God?

He showed me delight in my life and I shall carry on. I will be joyful to everyone I meet. I will always hold Paul in my heart. He was an angel and the most beautiful man I had ever met.

My darling baby, you are the perfect mix of heaven and me. When I look into your eyes, I see Paul’s joy and sparkle. You are my little angel. You are perfect in every way. My new bit of heaven.