The Star Within Me

By Dark Fox

Thu, 05 May 2011

1282 reads

5 comments

The stars talk to me,
They bare their souls,
The twinkle and sparkle
To show pain and joy.

I talk to the stars,
I wish upon them,
And cry to them,
Wishing I was a star.

Stars shine bright,
They have a purpose,
The stars are beautiful,
And tell us about our universe.

I have no purpose,
No-one to love,
I am a lost soul,
Wandering over the earth.

How I wish,
That I was a star,
Surrounded by others
Looking down on the planet below.

Certificate U

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Comments

Hi Dark Fox, it sounds like

Permalink Submitted by skinner_jennifer on Thu, 2011-05-05 18:19

Hi Dark Fox, it sounds like you wrote this poem from the heart, it's very honest and beautiful. Very nice read. Jenny.

While at the start I felt

Permalink Submitted by mikepyro on Thu, 2011-05-05 18:22

While at the start I felt the piece tresses the line of cliche it evolved to something emotional and strong. It's not the most original or astounding work but you tackle an overused subject with grace an manage to avoid melodrama trappings an that takes skill so I commend you. Well done here.

Give me the beat boys and free my soul! I wanna getta lost in ya rock n' roll and drift away. Drift away...

Some lovely imagery here,

Permalink Submitted by jennifer on Thu, 2011-05-05 22:34

Some lovely imagery here, and what a fantastic subject, really dreamlike in quality. However, I think you mean 'bare', not 'bear', and 'wandering', instead of 'wondering'. J x

Thank you for the

Permalink Submitted by Dark Fox on Thu, 2011-05-05 22:46

Thank you for the corrections. I totally missed them. Thank you for reading

Kayleigh Nichols

No worries - it's always

Permalink Submitted by jennifer on Thu, 2011-05-05 22:50

No worries - it's always easier to see things like that in other people's work! Sometimes I make hugely glaring errors such as putting the wrong word completely because I'm thinking too far ahead, and completely miss them! J x