artificial sweeteners

they come to you
as if honey-glazed & tip-toeing on
lilac petals

always smiling
always politely congratulating
for acts that anyone could really
do

squeaky clean with
sparkling white teeth that outshine
those found on toothpaste
commercials

always agreeing with you
always going out of their way to
accommodate
regardless whether you plan on spending a
moment longer
with them

always asking questions about your life
as if it is relevant to their own
even if this is the first time you have ever
met them &
when they do it
they do so nodding as if to
punctuate every point you make
about the seemingly uninteresting things
of which you pass on in the attempt to
get rid of them

bouncing with unlimited energy
as if they mixed the purest coke in their
morning allotment of oatmeal
(to play tricks on their heart) &
interjecting bits about their own lives
which you never asked about
which you never cared about
which make you want to get out of said situation
quicker than
two shakes of a lamb’s tail
(whatever that means)