the development of dead eyes

most people trouncing round the empire
walk with a sense of respect built by
the accumulation of things,
built by the constant reassertion of one’s
personality publicly,
pronouncing themselves a
functional
social
being,
as defined by these terms alone---

and the western world raps its head against the brick wall incessantly this way into a completely successful sense of oblivion.

but for those raised by trauma itself
for those whose “development” came from
concentrated neglect

(a way of intentionally denying a child
the things so desperately needed in order to
bloom into something that might walk this earth
with a decreasing sense of pain & bewilderment,
not one which increases these terrible realities
with each passing day)

what recourse can there possibly be?
what “way out,” what place to run to, what
overseeing caregiver arises,
when smothering actions win out in the
home, at school & soon
in the obligatory work force---
all which thrive in this context to
reduce, whittle & eventually
make such an individual
disappear?

“out of sight, out of mind”
is the policy practiced by our
delightful democracy,
whereby those who have been chewed up into a
purée of horror & dismay
by endless years of abuse, neglect, abandonment &
ostracization,
are swept off the streets into select garbage cans,
be them prisons, asylums or simply
underground.

what strategy does an individual have then to
fight back against what seems to be an unending wave
of mercilessness & force
driving the monster forward
floating on an ocean of indifference?

a self-medicant surfaces---
a person who takes it upon themselves to say
“i will not go out this way,”
knowing that absolutely no one else is going to
help them in such an endeavour.

this person strips themselves of the cast which has been
molded round them,
while the constant beating from the world
brought only severe bleeding within
understanding now that the rules that one is supposed to
abide by,
in order to correctly maintain a life according to the
status quo,
is just not possible anymore---
in fact, it has been made impossible
by the very system that wants to maintain it.

the “bad apples” must be recognized as such by all those
“good apples,” so as to keep these cute little bunnies from
jumping out of the basket---
and so a person finds themselves
“resorting” (as if one had a choice in the matter) to ways in which
a solution can be acquired---
the solution may come in many forms,
but the intent is always the same---
PAIN
MUST
BE
STOPPED.

self-anesthetization becomes essential to one’s survival
because the pain threshold of the individual
can simply not keep a person alive anymore---
the overwhelming will eliminate s/he who does nothing to
stop it,
and through the acquisition of means to an end which would
mean
a continuation of one’s life,
said person is able to continue.

here,
the development of dead eyes occurs &
the world spends its time trying to
stare into them,
trying to ascertain the reasoning behind what has
happened,
trying to
make itself feel better about itself
always avoiding the actual problem,
always blaming &
incarcerating,
blaming &
incarcerating,
blaming&incarcerating
blamingandincarcerating
blmmingndncarcerating
blmngndncrcerating
blmgndcrerating
blgndcerating
blndcerating
bldcrating
blcrating
blrating
blating
blatin
blatn.
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