timmy p.

the similarity in likeness between the
fictional character of “data” on the show
star trek: the next generation,
and that of the real character,
former minnesota governor
timothy james pawlenty
is a little bit
frightening---
and if you want to go to the place where
frightening is the
taste,
go ahead &
youtube yourself his big screen movie
production ad
for the “release” of his book
“courage to stand,”
which sold about 6,000 copies (most optimistic
estimate possible) its first week.

despite the fact that it looks as if
jerry bruckheimer directed it,
timmy’s whomping book sales
do not live up to the sweeping cuts
found in the “film”
of every possible
historical moment that he could muster,
which
had absolutely nothing to do with him---
from MLK, the berlin wall falling & the first landing
on the moon
to typical shots of big eyed freckle faced
little kids, hugs & guys in hard hats
we are all still left with one truth which even
cenk uygur of the young turks agrees with---
“tim pawlenty is
the most boring man
in america.”

despite his book’s lack of success,
he still went on a rocking book tour---
along the way he stopped off at
the tea party’s american policy summit
to characterize
“the royal triangle of greed” that included
unions,
congradulating the tyrant scott walker on
a job well done, nodding to
the sea of old white people who faintly smiled into the panning
camera,
looking just as bland & appropriately
apprehensive as when t-paw himself was speaking about the
freedom of speech
with jon stewart on the daily show.

perhaps if you can’t picture this in your head,
if you haven’t seen that daily show stumbling,
then you maybe you can imagine
a deer pausing in front of your headlights
in order to take a moment to
pray.

this pro-life,
anti-same sex marriage,
proponent of the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy
(which he says that he will bring back if he is president) &
line item vetoer of $381 million of health & human service money in
minnesota,
did find time during his stint as governor to
“accept a $500,000 abstinence-only sex education grant which would
require the state to match it with $350,000” while in the same breath,
in 2010,
he “refused federal health care funds of $850,000 for
teenage pregnancy prevention (amidst other important medical needs).”

whether he is telling jokes about justin bieber to a
bunch of college kids in iowa
(trying desperately to relate to them by
using the ever-so-eloquent ramblings of
lady gaga in the transparent attempt to win
youth votes),
or coining the term “obamnycare” with his
razor
sharp
wit
(and then spinelessly, 2 days later in “debate” with
romney, backpaddling, trying to convince all of us
watching that the statement simply had to do with
obama),
he never ceases to amaze when it comes to the lengths
at which he will go to
sell
out &
get down on his knees to jerk & suck off
corporate america until they splash all over his
easy-to-forget face all
the warm gushy cash that it will take
to become
mitt romney’s
vice presidential
running mate.