Saucerers and Gondoliers - Chapter 7

Chapter 7 - Roanoke

"YOU TOOK AGES", hollered Cleo. "WHERE'VE YOU BEEN?"
Ant stepped out from behind a mass of pipes labelled:
NO.3 DETRITUS PUMP
LOOK OUT
EXTREME DANGER
THERE
HUMAN WASTE
Y'ALL
"CLASS JUST ENDED", bellowed Ant. "PRINCIPAL PRICKETT GOT EXCITED ABOUT THE RIGHT TO BEAR ARMS AND WE HAD TO STAY IN ANOTHER TWENTY MINUTES." He stared at the sign on the pump. "DID WE HAVE TO MEET IN A SEWER?"
"THIS HERE AIN'T NO SEWER", yelled Cleo, imitating Miss Maybelline perfectly. "THIS HERE IS A WASTE RECYCLING FACILITY. DON'T GET THE WRONG END OF THE STICK THERE, Y'ALL." She collapsed giggling.
The rumbling of the pipes subsided slightly, and Ant could hear himself think, just barely. What he heard himself thinking was try not to lean on anything. "How did you get time off work?"
"I skive off whenever I want. It's great. Miss Maybelline expects me to be lazy. All her books say black people are lazy. If I start working hard she gets worried. It sends her into agonies of self-doubt."
"I found out some useful stuff."
"So did I. Our Mr. Turpin is being held in the sickbay near Airlock Thirteen."
"Who's Mr. Turpin?"
"That's his name. Our Flying Saucer pilot. They're keeping him under sedation. He rolls over and dribbles occasionally. He's a Prisoner of War."
"Ah!" said Ant, with a vast air of knowledge. "He'll be from the USZ, then."
"The what, now?"
"The United States of the Zodiac. They're a sort of rebel American colony in space. Principal Prickett spent two whole hours this afternoon trying to convince me to hate them, so I figure they're probably all right. All we need is a radio that transmits on 100 kilohertz, and we can get in contact with them."
"They're very careful about radios that transmit on any frequency", said Cleo. "I had to clean the general stores this afternoon, and all the radio transmitters are kept in a big locked room at one end along with the guns and the keys to the saucers -"
Suddenly, she broke off.
"Did you hear that?"
"I didn't hear anything but humming", said Ant.
"The humming changed", said Cleo, staring round the chamber with the quiet paranoia of a pussy cat.
"Maybe someone in the colony went to the toilet", said Ant.
Cleo padded round the rows of pipes and softly rumbling machinery. "It changed a lot."
"Maybe they went to the toilet a lot."
"Aha!" Cleo suddenly became a blur of arms and hair extensions. "GOTCHA!"
"OW!" yelled a patch of darkness, and then: "Uncle! UNCLE!"
"WHERE's your uncle?" yelled Cleo. "Don't you DARE yell for your uncle."
"I think he means 'stop squeezing the end of my nose like a juiced lemon', Cleo", said Ant. "Besides, I know him. His name's Glenn Bob. He's a friend."
"Oh, you have friends among these barbarians, do you?" said Cleo with surprising venom. "Hello, friend."
"'lo", said Glenn Bob meekly, and then: "I knowed you was up to no good when you started askin about radio frequencies." He rubbed his face gingerly. "I done got my face twisted by a nigra. Is my nose brown now?"
Cleo's face took only a half second to transform into a huge theatrical smile. "What makes you think we're up to no good, Robert? We're only talking together as two old friends do."
"Ma name's Bob", said Glenn Bob. "An you was talkin about radio transceivers. Ain't no-one allowed to talk about radio transceivers without they got permission from the Governor."
Then his face brightened a little and he said: "I know where there is some, iffen that'll help any."
Cleo's eyes became huge. "You? Help us? Why would you want to do that?"
Glenn Bob stared hard at the floor. "Well", he said, "my pa's one of the town MP's -"
"I didn't think you had MP's in America", said Ant. "I thought you had senators."
"I don't think he means Members of Parliament", said Cleo. "I think he means Military Policemen. This place is run like a giant military camp, remember? I've seen them swanking around the corridors. Big men, about gorilla size, with guns to match."
Glenn Bob nodded. "My pa leaves his gun belt on his uniform pants when he goes to bed, and we ain't allowed to touch it. I stole one of the bullets an hid it in my brother Bobby Glenn's pocket an it went through the auto-mangle in the town laundromat. It shot old Ma Knickerbocker's knickerbockers full of holes, an set light to fifteen complete ensemblies."
"What's an ensembly?" said Ant, who was not female.
"A complete suit of clothes", said Cleo, who was.
"Golly gee", said Glenn Bob, gaping at the awesome extent of his misdeed. "I didn't know that. No wonder pa was mad. I thought it was some sorta big handkerchief.”
“’Ensemble’ comes from the French word ensemble”, added Cleo. “Meaning ‘an ensemble’, she added.
“So I’m plumb bound to get my ass whupped for sure”, finished Glenn Bob.
“I see”, said Ant. “And that’s a bad thing, is it?”
Glenn Bob nodded. “I’m fixin to run away from home”, he said.
“So where’s the radio transmitter?” said Ant.
“Roanoke”, said Glenn Bob. “Site of the first colony. The first colonists was craziern a one-legged rattlesnake with its legs crossed. Whatever a rattlesnake is”, he added. “I ain’t never seen one.”
“Why were they crazy?” said Cleo.
“They set up camp in the lowlands, right down there with the megafauna and the humptybacked decapods and the vampire hellbenders”, said Glenn Bob..
“Sounds nice”, said Cleo. “And they’ll let us use this radio transmitter, will they?”
Glenn Bob’s face lit up. “That’s the beauty of it. They ain’t around to ask! The hellbenders and the fungus got ‘em, every one.”
“I see”, said Ant. “And this makes you think that Roanoke would be a good place to visit.”
“Safe as anywhere else in the lowlands. Anyways”, said Glenn Bob, “we’ll only be there but a while, till you can call up one of they Rebel Space Cruisers of yourn and get us out of there, right?” He looked from Ant to Cleo. “Right?”
“Riiiight”, said Ant, nodding slowly. “I mean”, he said, suddenly starting to nod confidently and vigorously, “right, eh, Cleo?”
“Oh, absolutely. Anything you boys say. Who am I to object to being vampirized and hellbent.”
***
They watched Glenn Bob leave from behind a mass of valves.
"I have grave reservations about this, Ant", said Cleo.
"I'm not happy either", said Ant. "But he heard everything we said. We've got to let him come with us."
"I'm going to have to get out of town unnoticed."
"Cleo, you're allowed in every single corridor in town. You clean every single corridor in town. How is it going to be difficult for you to get out of town unnoticed?"
"With an inflatable dinghy, compass, food, packs, oars, three changes of shoes, cold weather clothing, guns, and a clear and concise map of the area?" said Cleo. "And a whistle for attracting attention?"
"Eh?" said Ant.
"You're really not very organized, are you? How long do you think we'll survive out there without a whistle?"
"We don't need three changes of shoes, Cleo."
Cleo frowned sulkily.
"Besides, how are you going to get hold of any of that stuff?"
"TADAAA!" Cleo held up something between finger and thumb. It jangled.
"And what is that?"
"Only the set of spare keys to the main town stores, which I cleaned, vacuumed and blackleaded yesterday."
Ant whistled. "Hooooeeee!"
"What part of the perimeter are you going to be devegetating tomorrow?"
"Airlock twelve", said Ant. "I don't know where that is. They don't allow me maps in case I'm a spy. They blacked out all the maps in my geography textbook."
"Airlock twelve is just between the under eights' firing range and the indoor hydroponic cotton field", said Cleo. "I had to mop up the blood in the one and pick half a ton of cotton in the other. They've got an automatic robot cotton picking machine which they amusingly call a 'RoboNegro 2000'. It breaks down." She breathed on her fingers and scored up a point for herself in the air. "Ain't no substitute for the real thing."
Ant looked at Cleo nervously. "Cleo, you sound as if you're growing to like it."
Cleo stared hard at Ant. "Well, let me disillusion you. I do not like it. I do not like it one little bit. Today Miss Maybelline made an off-the-cuff comment about getting the MP's to whup me if I didn't work faster. And I don't think she was joking."
"Okay, okay. We're getting out of here. Keep your bandana on. I've got to go home to my family now. Ma Williamson's making roast beef and Yorkshire pudding without any roast beef or Yorkshire pudding as a special treat because I'm English."
Cleo wrinkled up her nose. "Sounds lovely."
"What are your family like?"
"I have to do the dishes, iron the laundry, change the baby, and clean the floor every time Jimmy Earl Junior runs in mud all over it, which he does every ten minutes to get me in trouble. I have to get out of here, Ant."
"Don't worry. We are leaving."