Cecil the dragon

Cecil the dragon was very lonely. No one understood how miserable his life was, stuck away in a damp and dingy cave all day long with no one to talk to except for a few ants that sadly got burned whenever Cecil opened his mouth to speak.

Whenever anyone thought of dragons, they always thought of green scaly creatures that breathed fire and had to be killed for the good of humankind. Cecil did not fit into this category very well at all. Due to an unfortunate gene mutation at birth, Cecil was blue, had two horns, very few scales and could barely breathe enough fire to heat his dinner let alone to harm anyone except for his ant friends.

Now in the same country as Cecil, lived a very brave and very stupid knight named Wallace. Wallace wanted to prove his worth to the ruler of the land, his Royal Highness, the Great Supreme Ruler, King Bob. Wallace hoped that that by proving his worth as a brave warrior King Bob would be so proud that he would give Wallace his daughter's hand in marriage. The King's daughter - Princess Mudpie, was the most beautiful woman in the land. She had long green hair than she never washed, puffy red eyes and a beautiful mouth full of yellow and black teeth. She truly was an amazing woman and the besotted Knight would go to any length to win her heart.

So Wallace went to see King Bob and told him how he wanted to do a brave and noble deed in order to win Princess Mudpie's love. King Bob though long and hard over what brave and noble deed Wallace could perform that would make him worthy enough to become his son-in-law. Finally King Bob came up with an idea. He told the Knight of a fearsome dragon, rumored to be living in a large cave just outside the palace walls.

King Bob told Wallace that he wanted the Knight to kill this fearsome beast, not as you might have thought, because the dragon was a threat to the people, but because a multi-national company wished to build a new hyper-market on the land covering the dragon's cave but the builders could not be brought in until the dragon was removed.

So Wallace vowed to defeat the evil dragon Cecil order to win the fair Princess' heart. So Wallace set off to the dragon's lair, with Princess Mudpie in tow as the King had only one horse which had fire proof armor, to which the Princess happened to be very much attached to and therefore would not leave alone.

Wallace and Princess Mudpie traveled for many nights and many days until discovering that they had been traveling in the wrong direction and then had to spend many nights and many days riding back to where they started from.

When they at last came to the fearsome dragon's lair, the brave knight bellowed "Come out and face me you fearsome Dragon so I can kill you to make way for a new hyper-market. All your every day conveniences under one roof."

Cecil, the true hero off this story, was very intrigued by this prospect and misheard the death threat as an offer to play chess and so came out of his cave to meet Wallace and the Princess.

Sparks flew, violins played and angels sang in the heavens. Cecil took one at the beautiful Princess Mudpie and instantly fell head over tail in love.

Fortunately the Princess felt the same and the pair were married the very next day. So while King Bob welcomed Cecil as his new son-in-law, the disgraced Knight Wallace took up residence in Cecil's former cave, until he was sadly killed when the multi-national company built their hypermarket on top of him.

And they say that his ghost still haunts the frozen foods aisle...