W Darts ch21

Chapter 21

Captain's Log as written by Captain Vegas.

In this log I do record events as they happened. Please forgive the
inconsistencies or lack of style. I am not a literary man. I am just a
guy who looks like Elvis and works in a chip shop. That's all. That's
all I am.

Monday 18 June.

The morning starts at The Castro as so many mornings do. The Castro is
my home from home, the place where I go when I don't want to be alone.
Loop Garoo is there, Seven is there, AkiMat is there. Only Leia Organa
is absent. I try not to think about that.

The Poet says we are to go on holiday. There is much celebration. We
go to the travel agents and we choose a boating holiday. There is much
celebration. I am happy. I rush home. Leia Organa is not there. I go
upstairs to the bedroom. Leia Organa's clothes have gone. Then I see
the note. I read it.

Leia Organa has left me. She says it was the federation or me. It
wasn't me. Besides, she says, you have other fish to fry. Those were
her exact words, "You have other fish to fry."

Wednesday 20 June.

We go to the boat. I like the way it looks on the water. Like a den, or
a refuge. A place to hide out. We go on board and we choose the cabins.
I am not to have a cabin. I am to sleep on the table that turns into a
bed. I mind and I don't mind. It is true what they say. I am not in a
couple. I am alone. I don't want to be alone.

Then out of the blue I am made captain. Captain Vegas the captain of
the boat. 16 declares that he will be my cabin-boy. He is to sleep with
me on the table that turns into a bed. Be careful what you wish for. I
remember Leia Organa's words. "You have other fish to fry." What did
she mean?

Later, Seven tells his story and then the face appears at the window.
I go outside. I deliver a cup of sugar. The steelworkers show me their
boat. They show me their kitchen, their saloon, their bedroom. "This is
where we sleep," they say, "it's made of steel." I am surprised. They
have only one bed. Like Seven and his brothers. When I come back it is
time for bed. "WHEN YOUR CAPTAIN SAYS IT'S TIME FOR BED THEN IT'S TIME
FOR BED," I say.

I have ulterior motives. I want to sleep with 16. I have read books
about the sea. I know it is what cabin-boys and their captains do. It
is what the steelworkers do. It is what Loop Garoo and Seven are doing.
It is what The Poet and AkiMat are doing. I watch 16 get undressed and
get under the covers next to me. I lay awake. I feel him breathing in
and out. In and out. His mouth is slightly open.

I remember Leia Organa's words. "You have other fish to fry." Suddenly
I doubt there is a federation at all or that it needs saving. Suddenly
everything is clear except the things that are inside my head. I get
out of bed and climb into bed between Loop Garoo and Seven. I can't do
this. I can't be doing this. I sleep.

Thursday 21 June.

It is the day of the match. I lose my game and a story is written on my
cock. I think about bastions. The Poet is always talking about
bastions. They have to be defeated he says. But what about me? They use
their difference to attack what essentially must be "sameness". I am
part of that sameness and yet I feel different. I look like Elvis. I
wear a shiny suit and I fall in love easily. What kind of bastion is
that? Do I need defeating? Aren't I defeated enough already?

Later that night the story is itching to be read and I am glad when it
is mentioned. 16 opens my flies and the thoughts from the night before
come flooding back. He takes me tenderly in his hand and starts to
read.

Leia Organa wasn't much of a reader. Now when I look back I think the
interest she showed in my stories was fake. Life is different at sea.
Things can happen that are outside the norm. Look at men in prison. Its
the same. Pirates, they were all at it. Buggery was a way of life and
they were archetypes of masculinity.

It doesn't all have to be about STEPS.

16 pulls back my foreskin and lowers his head.

Leia Organa said, "You have other fish to fry." Maybe she was right. I
guess she probably was. What do they say, a woman knows best?

16 pulls back my foreskin and lowers his head. Then everything is all
a blur.

Somehow I end up outside as a figurehead. It is as if I am carved out
of wood. That's what everyone would like. That I be carved out of wood.
I am the wooden man by which they judge their steel bodies. I am
thinking about story on my cock. Seven said it was a fable. He was
right. He was absolutely right. It was about people knowing they have
to change but somehow making the wrong change. I won't make that
mistake. I won't make that mistake again.

When Loop Garoo comes out to get me it is time for bed. I go inside
and the others retire to their cabins. 16 undresses and gets into bed
next to me. He asks if he can read the story once more. He says he
didn't get it, he didn't get it at all. I tell him to go ahead and then
I close my eyes.

I see Leia Organa. She is saying that same line over and over. "You
have other fish to fry." I know its over with her. I know the
federation never existed. I am just a guy who looks like Elvis and
works in a chip shop. That's all. Nothing more.

What I do know however is that I am not made of wood. I know that I am
not a bastion.

Finally 16 falls asleep. I watch his face, his hair. When he sleeps he
breaths through his nostrils, they flare alternatively, first the left
and then the right. You could be friends with someone forever and not
know that about them.

Noel Coward. He had a thing about boats, didn't he?

"Birds do it. Bees do it. Even educated fleas do it."

I get out of bed and I sneak into The Poet's cabin. I climb into bed
between him and AkiMat. I fall asleep.

Friday 22 June.

The Poet wakes up and falls on the floor. He thinks he is dead. Loop
Garoo rushes into the room and asks what is going on. I say I will
explain.

How can I explain?

I know.

It's a Jungle Book thing. Remember Baloo? He sings that song.

"I want to walk like you, talk like you, boo boo be do. Oh yes it's
true."

And therein lies the irony. Baloo is walking like Mowgli. He is
talking like him. But he is still a bear and always will be. Deep down
I bet he wouldn't want it any other way.

I may have other fish to fry but I'll do it in the same old, same old.
I won't change. Sorry. But in your perception I will have
changed.

16 I love you.

Oh yes I do.