The Best Things in Life are Free

There's nothing better than a long steaming piss.
The hiss and the whiss.
The feeling of bliss.

But when I think on, that may not be right.
Perhaps there's nothing better than a massive shite.
The moaning and heaving with all your might.
The shrieking and wailing as your face turns white.
The feeling of triumph as the pile gains height.
The walking on air with bowels so light.
Aye, perhaps there's nothing better than a massive shite.