Ways of Starting a Novel #2

"Well, well vile shrew. You're nowt to look at and you were hard to woo, but I'll say one thing for ye - you make a mighty fine tea."

"Thank ee kindly. It's a big fat rat I caught int kitchen!"

"Oh, that's nowt. I eat them raw, spiced with lichen."

"But how about the Hemlock sauce? Speak up now, you're a little hoarse."

(Silence).