Ways of Starting a Novel #2

"Well, well vile shrew.

You're nowt to look at and you were hard to woo.

But I'll say one thing for ye,

You make a mighty fine tea."

"Ah! It's a big fat rat I caught int kitchen!"

"Oh, that's nowt. I eat them raw, spiced with lichen."

"But how about the Hemlock sauce?

Speak up now, you're a little hoarse."

(Silence).