ON THE RAILS

By Dynamaso

Tue, 22 Jul 2008
  • 2267 reads
6 comments
 

The boys sat along the edge of the dock watching me. I wanted to impress them but was also really scared I was going to fall and hurt myself. I pushed the fear away. The pads my parents had brought me were tucked into my backpack. Pads were either for sissies or the pros who worked big vert ramps.

I pushed the board along, stretching my right leg high and pushing down hard to get as much speed as I could. The rail ran along the side of the ramp leading up to the dock. If all went well, I’d ollie onto the rail, grind up it and off onto the dock itself.

I pushed one more time, going for maximum speed. The boys on the dock all craned their necks to look around each other. I checked my feet and set my right foot for the ollie. The rail was coming up quick and I crouched slightly.

The ollie was perfect and I hit the rail right in the centre of my board. I slid up it and onto the flat part at the top. All the boys were cheering and whistling. I couldn’t help myself and gave them my thumbs up, then everything went black.

I woke up in hospital, the worried face of my mother hovering over me. The pain I felt was nothing to the pain I know I’d caused both her and my father. But all the boys were there too, grinning and skylarking to her back. I smiled at them and knew I’d been accepted, even if it was only because of a great bail. It didn’t matter. I was now one of them.

Certificate U
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Short Story Collection
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Comments

Submitted by sabital on
I think you hit the inspiration point nail on the head with this one Mark. This kids' goal was to be accepted by his peers, and after his efforts... however idiotic or dangerous, his sporting expertise of skateboarding paid off for him. Weldone!

Submitted by Dynamaso on
Sabital, thanks for reading, mate. I rushed this and made a few silly mistakes I've now corrected. It should read better now.

 

Submitted by Nymph on
Really good short, it reads very well. I must go and find this inspiration point thingy. Hx

See my pictures here http://saphiecat.redbubble.com/

Submitted by Dynamaso on
Nymph, thanks for reading.

 

Submitted by tcook on
The Inspiration Point is on the home page - just by the Story and Poem of the Week. it's changed every week to try and challenge you. To this piece - it seems a little too pat. The problem with writing about 'sport' in all its many manifestations is in getting into the mind of the participant. You have to describe the physical pressure, the physical reality and 'oomph' needed for maximum performance at the same time as recognising the other side of the brain that's thinking contradictorially. It's what makes it so difficult.

Submitted by Dynamaso on
Tony, I take your point. It is quite difficult to write the physical 'feel' of a board under feet or the way how the body moves. But you have given me food for thought and I am going to try to write this again following your advice, for which I'm very thankful.