Nuthoused
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By EB
- 8242 reads
Drawn curtain - you - flashed back,
unwanted, but you know it,
somewhere...
some time,
I plucked up courage
and said it - told you to go.
But blink, and it's your smirk; your hobbling
bones, I see, gyrating joy, expressing hate - writhing
forever in a sick-bedded gleam of sarcasm, the echo scream
faded in the dulled glass of your eye. I glimpse a rip in a page
of my life and wonder where
your passion eventually settled, and if
I tried better, harder, could I handle it -
catch it - squash it - lob it far aside.
My first and last wish every day / night - to see you
vanished in the distance. Explain to me please,
how can it be healthy
to sweat beneath your overbearing handedness, while all the while
my anxiousness excited; thrilled you to giggling bits,
as you wheezed and chucked up motherhood all
over the watery waverings of my own sanity?
I try my hardest, not to cave,
but you break each sacred silence
with your incessant howling of prayers
belched out in every peaceful place you overtake. You spoke
of torment and disorder,
and I cannot help but wonder
if there's somewhere deep inside of me, a final burst
of something I could muster
in order to forget. Forget?
No, it's beyond my capability to lose you,
even though I long to do so, since you occupy -
disturb each recess of my spitting brain. In sleep
and wake - I think too much....
I want to concentrate
my efforts to keep a distance; myself from crazy.
Am I like you, not you? It seems every time I manage
for a minute, to escape, there you are again, clinging, sucking
like a leach on my stability.
Hope it's not hereditary - your particular insanity -
you scared me; scarred me, in a billion ruined yesterdays
as much as you do in death.
And I wanted you to go.
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Comments
What a tempo this has, all
What a tempo this has, all the sibilance and alliteration, the fast paced punch of a mother's sick mind. Most moving. Would like to hear this, it is far-reaching and word placement is immaculate. Are you up for one edit suggestion? If unwanted, ignore at will. I've wondered if your last line might be 'And I wanted you to go.' This might change personal meaning though, see what you think. A striking piece.
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Though the line 'told you to
Though the line 'told you to go' comes up at the beginning, doesn't it.
'you scared me; scarred me' makes a very memorable line.
The agony of disturbing thoughts that keep returning and making one ill, is agonising to read.
I know that when I want to stop thinking about something I have read, and which it is unhelpful to keep thinking about, I have sometimes had simply to pray to be released from their strength. Then one can sometimes think about them more rationally, and they 'keep their place'. Rhiannon
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A powerful piece which will
A powerful piece which will linger with me.
Tina
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Poem of the Week
Although it goes all over the place I think this is a very powerful piece of writing. It reflects the writer - and to capture that anger and regret is not easy to do. It's our Poem of the Week.
Picture credit: http://tinyurl.com/go574h4
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Congrats on pick of the week
Congrats on pick of the week EB. well earned.
Rich
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Really enjoyed this..
Really enjoyed this...especially like the way we are drawn by the first three stanzas...stanzas that reflect and appear as a jagged mirror...the poem opening up like a sluice gate...carrying the reader to a final uncompromising crescendo...powerfully discordant in both subject and form. Excellent.
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A torrent of conflicted
A torrent of conflicted emotions, very moving.
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Thoughts that flagellate...
Thoughts that flagellate... too late and never cease
A turbulent read!!!
Terry
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