a winters tale

I used to want kids, not any more,
keep them away, lock every door.
Tell them I've moved to a place with no tellys,
to a shed in a field where they'll have to wear wellys
and the bugs bite their way into sleeping kids' bellys
and the bog's just a hole in the floor.

I had a great Christmas and then, for New Year,
my sisters decided we'd all have it here.
"The kids haven't seen the new house you've rebuilt,"
I'd refuse if I thought I could live with the guilt.
"?and the one that wets beds?" "Oh he'll bring his own quilt!"
and already I'm needing a beer!

When they got here I thought I would lighten my mood,
With a bonfire and fireworks and sparklers and food.
"Have you got a playstation? I don't like the cold,
and Mum says I can smoke", "You're eleven years old!
Now come out to the fire, here's a sparkler to hold."
"If you touch me you're gonna get sued!"

My sisters just shrugged and said, as they were guests,
they were taking time off from controlling their pests
who ate, fought, bounced and slept on my brand new settee
Which, by the next morning, was dripping with wee
And my new two-piece table was broken in three.
I was told it was 'one of life's tests'.

And now they've all gone, kids still having a row
The house is still standing, god only knows how
They said they all hate me, I ruined their trip
'uncle grumpy' stayed silent, I just bit my lip
but I did, to my horror, let one sentence slip:
"come back again soon, bye for now."