Silent Words

Silent Words.

When she first asked me what was wrong, I wouldn't answer. I sat there
in the corner with my eyes focused on the floor. I would concentrate on
the speck of dirt ingrained in the carpet, or I would watch the
squirrels climbing on the bird table, or the birds fluttering on the
lawn.

She said I had to tell her, but I couldn't.

Then one night after we'd said goodbye I suddenly felt these
overwhelming emotions welling up inside of me. When she had shut the
door, I gave way to my emotions and let the tears flow freely. After
all, its okay to cry when no one can see, its okay to let your defences
down when no one will know. I began to walk down the dimly lit street,
but could hardly see through my tears. I considered going back. What
would I say? What would she think? How could I ever tell her the truth
about me?

I stood there, still in the darkness for a little longer and then
decided that I would only regret it if I didn't tell, it would kill me
if I didn't. So I slowly found myself floating back to her doorway and
before I could stop myself; my hand reached out to ring the bell.

A man came to the door and said he would get her. I stood shifting from
one foot to the other, I had no idea what I was going to say. She came
and took me to her room. Again she asked me what was wrong. I wanted to
tell her but it seemed like the words were going to choke me to death
and I couldn't physically say anything. I cried and cried and she held
me and said it was okay, but to me it wasn't okay, to me it never could
be.
We sat there in silence for a while, waiting for me to speak the
unspeakable words. She swept the wisps of hair off of my face and wiped
away my tears. Then I looked away and like a frightened child, I
finally mummer the words; "I saw him kill my Mum".