Papers on a Train

By Ewan

Sun, 15 Jun 2008
  • 1108 reads
4 comments
 

A final demand, cheerily scarlet,
not bloody-coloured at all.
This paper safely abandoned on the
seat beside the window.
Who would steal a debtor's identity?

Yellowing, spackled paper starting 'Dearest',
black ink faded to off-blue;
personal history lost to plastic oblivion
- bagged by a minimum wager.
What's the value in sentimental prose?

Rows and columns marching downward
not bloody-coloured at all.
Document cheaply abandoned by the
fool beside the window?
Why dice so with lucky opportunists?

Certificate U
Poem
Miscellaneous

Comments

Submitted by onemorething on
Nicely written - like 'final demand, cheerily scarlet' and the 'not bloody coloured at all' lines work well. Just perhaps this needs a little more depth or detail or more of you in it somewhere. A bit more of something. There, that was helpful wasn't it...

 

Submitted by Ewan on
Well... actually yes, it was. I can't put my finger on why it's not quite there either. Still. By the way, check the post time on my comment on your latest, how spooky is that?

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Submitted by jennifer on
I think the first verse is missing. But like it anyway, especially the last line - 'Why dice so with lucky opportunists?' This is why I am obsessive-compulsive about making sure I've got everything, not that I've been on a train for years....

 

Submitted by Ewan on
Sorry, Jen: do you mean it is missing a further verse at the beginning?

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