Dear Sir Alex

Dear Sir Alex Ferguson, I'm writing to apply
To work as your assistant; below, the reasons why:
When games they go against you, or the ref's eyes let him down,
I worry for your state of health; I hate to see you frown.
In post-match interviews it's clear you'd rather be in bed,
On holiday abroad, sipping a tasty glass of red.
Your wish it could come true, you know, you could at last be free
To play a round of golf, if you'd just think to employ me.
I'd chat to Sky Sports happily: "The ref, he's off his head,
And I'd swear the only colour in the universe is RED!

Gareth A. Williams 2006