Dancer

i now know i will never dance with you again
never sway my skirt through the crowds towards you
my toes will not point their way to you, my north
no longer

i thought it was romantic how you watched me dancing from afar
standing outside the crowd
i now know you were standing alone
i did not see that, instead i let you in
i thought this would mean years of dancing together
ahead of us

instead

the girl with the flaming hair and the twisting skirts
became yours, your own who stood behind you timidly watching the crowds, declining to dance

you thought it was marital modesty, that i preferred your company to being back there in the circle

i knew it was fear
of realizing that i am more alive there
than out here with you alone
not dancing
not twisting and raising my hands in joy
as my hips sing hallelujah and my feet bleed a little

and now i know i will never dance with you again
i will dance alone
and once again welcome the darkness and the smiles
the voices telling me i am beautiful when i move
and slowly, one day soon, my hair will begin to flame again
my eyes will glow once more
i will become that dancing girl in the corner who caught your eye
only this time
i will not be yours anymore