Hurt Together

This is here," she traces her finger to the skin between her breasts, "this is right here."
Trying to pinpoint the part of her body where it all comes from, this heat, this intensity, the goosebumps crawling through her flesh. The disturbed sleep patterns. The desire to curl herself into a ball and fit into the crook of his arm.

His eyes watch her fingers hungrily, then back to her face, her honest face, with those lips he can't seem to get enough of.
She's tried so hard to explain in words what only her kisses and fingers down his neck can tell, but he knows. He's known for a long time now, but there is a difference between eyes and words thrown out into the warm bedroom silence. Once they're said, they can't be taken back.

She throws her hand over her mouth, breathes in his scent on her palm, and wishes she could take them back.
But no, she doesn't want to, she meant what she said, but seeing him shaking, so afraid, so confused, perhaps it wasn't the best timing.

He hides his head in her neck, breathing unsteadily, this is not joy, this is not the fireworks she wished for, this is absolute fear, stomach pit terror, this is something bigger than us and the barriers of our arms around each other.
"I can't stop thinking," he whispers, "that soon I will leave, and this will fade out. And then it will be over."

Her eyes widen, you shouldn't have said those words out loud, now they're there between us and our warm breath. You can't take them back.
Now we both know we're scared shitless.
And this will end.
And this will hurt like no other.

He turns away, lays his head on the pillow, and she watches this moment of absolute fragility as the man she loves fights back tears.

Her heart threatens to break, she tries to kiss his eyes shut, and she knows right then that she would give anything to stop this moment, to stop his tears, to make them both forget and pretend that everything is fine, because it's true, now is beautiful, tomorow will come, but now and here and this in the skin between her breasts, this is beautiful.

She tells him she loves him.

She is strong enough to look him in the eye.

He knows she will hurt him like no other.
And there, her fingers tangled in his hair, his smooth forehead pressed against her cheek, the skin behind her ear that he loves to kiss, he knows he does.
He knows he always has.
And two people silently take a deep breath and step into the space where fear and joy give a sickening jolt to the system. But you swallow it.
You deal with it.
Because you are brave.

She remembers the words: "Hurt Together is Better than Fine Alone"
and now she understands them.
He whispers into her ear, making her blush, goosebumps crawling through her flesh.