Not that happytobesingle anymore

tired
eyes aching
make up remover
music still stinging my ears
I've finished the lense solution
damn

Jasmine's pulling her clothes off
so tired
cold, cold shower
the ice water dripping
down my spine
where
her boyfriend
placed
his hand
when
we danced so close
when
she wasn't looking
when
I lost my sanity
through
a haze of smoke
and moving bodies
it's so damn hot

in a cool corner
of my overheated brain
I realise
I
miss
having
a hand
on
my spine

I cut my hair
my face says
'liberated'
my hands scream
'hold me'

Jasmine's got a smile
that I hate
because I can't be part of it
the two of them
locked in her smile
so tired

she asks me to think
of something romantic
to say
to him
on the phone
for the first time in my life
I am at a loss for words
then I think
'How about "your hand was meant for my spine"?!'

they talk till 6 am
she hides under the covers
blocking me out
of their world
it's ok
not like I expected to be let in
I read a pink book
and when I get to the happy ending
I shiver
it's not a happy shiver

Jasmine laughs
under the pillow
and I wonder