Under the pillow

there's a lump in my breast
and a pain in the back of my neck
I'm so tired
and I wonder, is this it?

My thighs refuse to yield
and the cake's my only friend
when I turn a corner
I smell him

the bag is heavy
I wait by the phone
pick up, god damn you

I stay away
to keep him hungry
but I broke a nail
digging my grave

when I'm far too weak
I hide under a pillow
and chew his name

my throat is dry
my stomach is hollow
my teeth are bruised

The endless waiting
the thin red line
is killing my pride
and breaking my head

now I'm full of his smell
and chewing his name
all i want is an answer
I want to know, is this it?