Spam the Dog

Spam is a fat dog who loves milky way
he tramples on them, then licks his paws all day
'walkies fatso!', i cheerfully shout
and we walk to the pub for lager (not stout)

Spam sprawls on the floor. 'you ok down there, guts?'
i'm not fat, he replies.... can i have some nuts?
i laugh, give him dry roasted, then take hearty swigs
as i make myself comfy next to fat hairy pig

Spam sniffs the air and thinks he smells bears
So i take him outside to prove that they're hares
as we stand by the hedge, Spam gets sudden poo's
He's always like this when he's been on the booze

The girls in the pub stroke him, their hearts all aflutter
'shame bout the owner', i hear them mealy mutter
under their ginny breaths, through their fat lips of booze
'If I had the choice, i'd have Spam before you's'

The fruitie gets fuzzy and so does the telly
My head's getting light, unlike my fat belly
So it's time Spam and i took a turn round the park
where i sit and puff on a bench, while Spam runs and barks

But the birds are asleep and the river's in song
fire exhausted, we stroll home where 'fore long
I'll sit on the lav and order out Spam
through the back door to sleep in his doggy wigwam
Where his dreams become mesmo and float through the night
to the bed of an angel, my wife of delights
In her head Spam walks her through forests of dreams
to gingerbread houses with lemonade streams
where the future is bright, smiley and wonky
in the gingerbread garden with 3 pigs and a donkey
and in a copse of contentment, an angel sits and sings
of her home and her loves in the sunshine of spring

then Spam farts and wakes himself up