A Sea of Lies

So anyway, there were these two gerbils sitting in the Timothy Spall Pub,

Discussing the world of brilliant lies, and trying to get down to the nub

When these rats walked in, drunk as skunks and singing away like cats.

The gerbils rolled their eyes and tried to ignore these dirty little rats.

They didn’t want any trouble from rats, so they kept their heads down, you see

Rats had quite a gripe with gerbils, which went back to Sixteen seventy three.

The gerbils had carried the black plague, some way along the Silk Roads,

Then they had convinced the humans it was the rats that did it, it was them who were the rogues.

But through the singing, this big rat spotted the gerbils at the bar, he said

“look lads there’s some gerbils our reputation they did mar.”

The gerbils looked as innocent as they could, but all the rats saw red.

“You’re loved by the humans you little gits, they even get you fed”

“You spread the black plague, you fraudster rodents, then you said it was us,

 We’re going to teach you boys a lesson, you dirty bringers of the pus.”

The gerbils knew that this was true, all gerbils knew this fact.

Should they bluff it out and insist, that the rats should take that back.

The rats started jeering and spitting, and rolling up their furs,

“We’re gonna’ teach you a lesson boys, you dirty little curs.”

Then some men came into the pub, oblivious to the affray,

One of them was called Derek, another’s name was Ray

One of them was called Turner, he saw the rats squaring up to the gerbils,  

He shouted we’re gonna learn’ya you rats,  you horrible little fur balls.

The rats were scared and took flight, out of the door they all did fly,

The men chased after them shouting, they wanted them all to die.

The gerbils sat at the bar smiling, toasting their drinks and with a sigh,

They sat there drinking babycham, toasting their brilliant, brilliant lie.

One of them scratched a flea bite, and this is what they knew.

The carriers of the black plague had pulled off quite a brilliant coup.