Literati and other things

Of course, Literati comes from the Latin and basically means those interested in literature. The word Glitterati was coined, presumably ironically, to describe showbusiness celebrities who ‘shine’.

Accordingly, I advocate the following additions to the English lexicon. It seems to me that our language is just crying out for fitting ways to describe these kinds of folk.

BRITERATI Famous Britons
KNITTERATI Pullover wearing celebrities (eg Gyles Brandreth and Noel Edmonds)
ZITERATI Celebrities with bad skin (eg Cameron Diaz, Brad Pitt)
NITERATI Celebrities (especially pop stars) who lack sufficient courtesy (and, given the heat of arc lighting, the intelligence) to remove their woolly hats or baseball caps when being interviewed. One can only assume it’s because their hair is crawling with lice
OBITERATI Dead celebrities
CRITTERATI Animals that become famous when the newspapers have nothing much to report (eg Paul the Octopus or Michael Jackson’s pet chimp)
BITTERATI People who are pissed off that they’re not more famous than they are
SNITTERATI Celebrities who look down their noses at the BITTERATI
FUCKWITERATI Celebrities who swear for effect (eg Gordon Ramsey)
TWITTERATI Celebrity gossips (eg Vanessa Feltz)
GITERATI Children – legitimate or not – of celebrities (eg Peaches Geldof or Ben Fogle)
TITERATI Super models and that ilk (eg Jordon)
SPLITERATI Pairs of celebrities whose marriages last just longer than the time it takes to leaf through a glossy magazine
QUITTERATI Those celebrities who retire (as if we cared) but then make an unwelcome come-back (eg oh, thousands of the buggers)
NITWITERATI Those celebrities that give their children stupid names (eg Gwyneth Paltrow, the Beckhams. In fact, most of them)
HALFWITERATI Stupid celebrities (eg all of the NITWITERATI and most of the rest but especially famous footballers and WAGS)
SPITERATI Gum-chewing and expectorating celebrities (especially footballers)
SHITLITERATI Celebrities who write bad books (eg those looking to prolong a career well past the sell-by-date, plus Geoffrey Archer)
BANDITERATI (eg Bankers, Robert Maxwell, Rupert Murdoch and Geoffrey Archer)
JITTERATI Nervous, modest or self-effacing celebrities (er, nope – can’t think of any)
WOTSITERATI Celebrities whose names you can’t remember (eg “Um, er, … whatsisname; you know, he’s really famous. You like him. He was in that thing about thingamijigs with the other one. Oh, he’s ever so well-known. His name’s on the tip of my tongue.”)

To which the correct reply is, “Sonny Tippo Mittung? Never heard of him.”

PS
Almost forgot. It’s always a good idea to suck up to the boss, so …
EXETERATI Alumni of Exeter University (eg Tony Cook)