Major Scientific Breakthrough

Implication Venndiagram will probably go down in history (even if it is only as a footnote) as the person who truly discovered the full implications of the branch of modern physics known as Weasel Theory. Following on from the groundbreaking experimental work reported on earlier, Venndiagram came up with the theoretical formula that can predict with uncanny accuracy just when the weasel will - in fact - go 'pop'.

Although, the post-Newtonian formula of half a pound of rice and half a pound of treacle was accurate enough in earlier times, today's high precision scientific weasel experiments require far more accurate measurements. For many a weasel has been wasted by exploding far too early, at least according to the old theories.

Conversely, some weasels have not exploded at all, even when over half a pound of rice and/or treacle have been added to the mixture. Sometimes several pounds of rice and treacle have been wasted trying to get a weasel to self-ignite.

Venndiagram has taken the original rough theory (2dR* 0.5) + (T*0.5) +W=P (where W=weasel, P=pop, R=rice and T=treacle) and added several adjustments and refinements. These refinements, according to Venndiagram are mainly to take account of, for example, the weight of the weasel, the prevailing weather conditions, the quality of the rice, the viscosity of the treacle, and of course - the volatility of the weasel itself.

For, as experiments at CERN's high-speed weasel acceleration facility have shown, the volatility of a weasel, either at rest or accelerating at anything up to two-thirds of the speed of light is subject to Heisenberg's uncertainty principle, where either only the velocity or only the mass of the weasel can be known with any great accuracy.

This, obviously, led to Venndiagram's great breakthrough. He reasoned that the application of precise quantise of rice and treacle - mixed up and made nice - would have a significant effect on the velocity of the weasel when the two (the rice/treacle mixture and the weasel) are brought together.

So, after hundreds of experiments with various rices, treacles and weasels of varying weights and speeds, Venndiagram has - after many years of painstaking study - finally come up with his new equation.

Consequently, Venndiagram will unveil this new equation early next month when he presents the keynote paper at this year's Annual International Experimental Weasel Convention in Hawaii.