My Perfect Partner & Soulmate

By happyplayer1

Mon, 28 Jan 2008
  • 1046 reads
2 comments
 

Hugs and kisses, joys of spring
The pleasure that my man does bring
I met him on a summers day
He looked at me in a special way
We met up later for a drink
He set my heart upon the brink
For every single word we spoke
I realised our love was no joke
On my birthday he asked me to be his wife
With him i would spend the rest of my life
I love him with all my heart
And know we will never be apart
Children and grand-children too
We have our lives set the whole way through
We'll be happy growing old
Watching our next generations lives unfold.

Certificate 12
Poem
Love

Comments

Submitted by Margharita on
Hi, welcome to the site. This is obviously heartfelt, and the strength of your feeling - and your enjoyment of writing - comes through. I felt that the rhythm stumbled at times - for example in 'I realised that our love was no joke' - this reads better if you take out 'that'. There are a few other lines which also seem to fall over themselves. There are many excellent poets on the site (not me - I'm strictly a prose girl!) and it might be helpful to see how they manage rhyme and metre. Good luck with your work.

Submitted by happyplayer1 on
Thank you very much for your reply, i really appreciate it as you will notice i have made some changes, thanks for pointing out your views.