Mad Smithers and the Government's All Under Control Plan : Episode 2

Mad Smithers 2

(At Loose Lucy’s Parlour)

Smithers : It’s me, let me in.

Loose Lucy : What do you want? How dare you show your face after kidnapping Andrex and Darren.

Smithers : Don’t be ridiculous. I was only using the boys in my work.

Loose Lucy : Well you know our work and its limitations. It does not include gagging those boys. They are too young.

Smithers : Well of course – I got carried away. I love a bit of bondage.

Tiger Lily : You know I can oblige, Smithers.

Smithers : Oh, Tiger Lily I have come over all faint. One flash of your cleavage and fishnets and I’m open to anything.

Tiger Lily : Do you have the drug penis?

Smithers : Well of course, but I don’t think it is enough.

Tiger Lily : You may need Dr. Flopp.

Smithers : We’ll try anyway. Malcolm is here too. Is Babette available?

Tiger Lily : Of course. We are here for your pleasure. We want you to renege on any government plans.

Smithers : But, Tiger, that is impossible. I have my work to do.

Tiger Lily : Renege, Smithers, or we must decline our services.

Smithers : You hussy.

Loose Lucy : Don’t be too hasty, Tiger Lily. We need the business.

Smithers : At least you see sense, Lucy.

Loose lucy : Well of course, darlin’. You and Malcolm can pleasure the girls and boys any time.

Smithers : Oh, Lucy, you are so complicit. Who is that I can see in the massage room?

Loose Lucy : That, that is Luigi Pesto, our local Italian restaurateur.

Smithers : I fancy a bit of pasta.

Loose Lucy : His restaurant is wonderful. It’s only down the street, La Rigmarole.

Smithers : Oh I shall go.

(Luigi appears refreshed and ready for home)

Luigi Pesto : Good day to you.

Loose Lucy : Goodbye, Luigi. You were well pleasured I hope.

Luigi : Why of course – bellissimo, bellissimo.

Loose Lucy : This is a good customer of mine – Mad Smithers.

Luigi : Charmed I’m sure.

Smithers : I must visit your restaurant. I have a hanker for pasta.

Luigi : I have so many lovely pastas – all the pastas in the world.

Smithers : Good, me and Malcolm will come after our session at Lucy’s.

Luigi : I look forward to seeing you. Caio.

Loose Lucy : And now, Smithers, about the boys. Andrex and Darren are class acts, not to be misused.

Smithers : Oh, you are so right.

Loose Lucy : Tiger Lily has told me about the government’s all under control plan.

Smithers : No she is wrong. I got it wrong. I was rambling on. I think I must have been drunk.

Loose Lucy : If for one minute you think you  can use us for dastardly experiments you are wrong, Smithers.

Smithers : Well of course, I know that.

Loose Lucy : Take the drug penis and pleasure Tiger Lily.

(Babette and Malcolm in another room at the parlour)

Babette : That was good, Malcolm.

Malcolm : I really enjoyed it, Babette.

Babette : I know you are good, Malcolm. You don’t want us as sedate dummies surely.

Malcolm : I have to obey Smithers, Babette.

Babette : But surely you have a mind of your own, Malcolm.

Malcolm : I always obey Smithers, Babette. He is such a good master.

Babette : But does he punish like I do, Malcolm?

Malcolm : No one can punish like you, Babette.

Babette : Let’s go at it one more time, Malcolm. I love your firm, hard body crushing my soft flesh. Obey me, Malcolm, forget Smithers, obey me.

Malcolm : Oh no, you are bad. I obey Smithers. He is my master.

Babette : What do you intend to do when everybody is under control?

Malcolm : I don’t know. We are leaving that to Mr. Hardcastle, the man from the ministry.

Babette : Maybe they want our souls, Malcolm.

Malcolm : Much more likely they want your money, Babette.

Babette : At least they will settle for something material.

Malcolm : Yes, the government is good, Babette. It has the best interests of the country at heart.

Babette : Will it want my body, Malcolm?

Malcolm : Everybody wants your body, Babette.

Babette : Good, as long as they don’t want to stop us. Elder McCronie wants us to join the bible reading class – hang up our fishnets.

Malcolm : Oh no, Babette – you mustn’t do that. As long as we have the drug penis all will be well.

(At Luigi Pesto’s restaurant)

Smithers : I’ve come for some pasta.

Luigi : You want to pester me for pasta.

Smithers : Yes I do. Malcolm, my trusty assistant, shall be along soon – he hangs on my every word.

(Smithers spots Mr. Hardcastle at a table)

Smithers : Oh Mr. Hardcastle, hello. How nice to see you.

HARDCASTLE : Shouldn’t you be working on the project, Smithers?

SMITHERS : I’ve just been to the sex parlour to see my subjects. They will take some winning over.

HARDCASTLE : You must seduce those boys.

SMITHERS : They are already seduced.

HARDCASTLE :  Well then surely it will be easy.

SMITHERS : You don’t understand, those boys know everything. They are suspicious if I give them anything.

HARDCASTLE : You must complete the experimental brainwashing soon. The government wants to know about the efficacy of the all under control plan.

SMITHERS : I’ll do what I can but really it isn’t easy.

HARDCASTLE : Lead those boys astray, Smithers.

SMITHERS : As if I need to.

HARDCASTLE : Bribe them, you dummy. Do anything to get them where you want them.

(Luigi enters with a bowl of pasta)

LUIGI : Perfecta pasta to make your eyes water.

SMITHERS : Why thank you, Luigi. I can see Malcolm coming. Bring me another dish.

LUIGI : Why of course – anything you say, Smithers.

MALCOLM : Hello, Smithers. Babette wants to know too much, Smithers. She is all questions.

SMITHERS : Those damn girls, I have said too much, and those damn bugger boys are no better. What are brothels coming to? I must formulate a plan, Malcolm, so that one day the world is mine and all that is in it.

MALCOLM : Well I’d start with Babette’s knickers. Influence her, Smithers, and all the boys and girls at Loose Lucy’s. As far as I can see none of them are going to be complicit by half.