A conversation with god

I'm glad you've come, somebody said you were on your way, can't remember who now. A lot's happened since I last saw you, so much I don't know where to start. A lifetime. It soon shoots by doesn't it, before you know it you're carrying around an elasticated skin that hangs off the shoulders like a wet through bin liner. Wish I'd worn it more when it was younger. To all those unanswered party invites, I apologise.
 

Now you're here in front of me I hardly know what to say. All that waiting and bingo, there you are. Not sure how I'm going to explain this to people, if I did they might not believe me or understand. Over the years I've gathered together a lot of questions, wish I'd written them all down. 

Let me have a closer look at you. Wow! You are not how I imagined. Interesting. So peaceful, you look as if you could do anything you wanted. I can see it in your eyes, they are like mini earths, all knowing and endless. And I think I can see through them towards the light, where doors lead to other doors but they're all wide open. You're so beautiful. How did you get to be like that?

 So, where have you been? You never warned me you'd be away for such a long time, you just upped and left. In fact it all happened so quickly I didn't notice you had gone for years afterwards. It pains me to admit that, but I guess if I can't be honest to you who can I be honest to. 

Oh my! You remind me of someone. Come closer again. Bit more. Yeah! How strange. Suddenly I have an odd sensation. Is it called deja vu? I think so. It's like I've returned somewhere, sense a newness. I can smell and feel something but see very little. I'm elsewhere. 

Why have you chosen to visit now? You're not trying to tell me something are you? Only, I've been feeling better lately so it doesn't make sense. I've left on the landing light before in case you turned up, during those times I was struggling, when I didn't know where to turn. You never came though.

You make me feel like I'm a child again. No, no, don't make me cry. Please! It took me ages to apply this make-up this morning. When your hands are unsteady and your eyesight's weak it doesn't get any easier you know. I can see a musical box my mother gave me, it's lying on my old bed spread where I always kept it, bathed in the window's light. A get well present. I used to turn the key every time I felt alone. Now I can hear it again. I'm there, it's here, and I'm alive. The ballerina never failed to dance, forever clutched to my chest gazing up at me. That sweet tune. Da-da-da, dee-dee, da-dee, dee-da, dee-da...My arms stretching over my head like hers, pointing to heaven. Da-da-da, dee-dee, da-dee, dee-da, dee-da...

Then the key went missing.

And to think that I almost went to get my hair done today. Got the call about an hour before you came. Strange because it's the first time young Samantha's ever cancelled. 

How long can you stay for? You didn't say. I had so many things to ask, I really did. What must you think of me just babbling away like this. Sorry, I didn't mean...

Why did you go and leave me? I missed you. Did you ever get the messages I sent you? There were a few. Things got difficult. People moved away, you know how it is. I hope you got them.

Peter took most of what was left with him, that was when I contacted you more, and realised you weren't there. He didn't say goodbye either.

I'm so glad you came. Have I said that? Probably.  Something tells me you're going, your eyes are fading and your more shapeless than before.

Let me...let me try to...clean it. It's dirty I think, filthy in fact. They haven't been to do the rooms for a while. Let me...

Have you gone? You must've. Now I can only see my reflection. I must see young Samantha again soon.