A New Year for Hans

It was New Years Eve, 1825, and the corner cafe was brimming with good wine and cheer. Mr. Schmeckenpepper, the proprietor, was beaming with delight as Hans Christian Andersen was encouraged by the lively cafe patrons to get up and entertain them with a story for the new year.

"A story, Hans!" they shouted. "We are on the edge of our seats with excitement!"

"And it won't take much to put us on the floor!" another bellowed.

A comment which brought much laughter from the spirited patrons.

The string quartet, hired for the evenings festivities, struck several delightful notes of encouragement as Hans got to his feet.

Mr. Schmeckenpepper, arms folded and leaning against the mantle, puffed on his cigar and looked to be the proudest man in all the world.

"You are all so kind," Hans said. "I would be happy to tell you a story. Once upon a brisk Autumn day a journeyman and his dog were passing through a village. On this particular day the man stopped to view the wares of a local street vendor.

"'I have some exotic powders,' said the vendor. 'This one in particular can change your dog into the most beautiful woman in all the world. I swear it.'

"'What happens if I take it?' asked the journeyman.

"'You will turn into a wart,' said the merchant. 'Not only that, but you will spend the rest of eternity on the nose of the most disagreeable face in all the world!'

"The journeyman beckoned his dog and pulled the cork out of the jar. As he did so, a violent gust of wind swept through the village, spraying the contents of the jar into the mouths of the journeyman and his dog.

"There is not much more to the story, except to say that Mr. Schmeckenpepper is now the proud possessor of the most beautiful wart in all the world! It even has a long, black tail. Go look and see."

The cafe patrons howled with delight.

Hans spent the New Year in bed, with a raw beefsteak over his eyes.

"I must resolve to change my ways," Hans moaned. "I really must."