The Ticket Window

Cherry

By hudsonmoon

Sat, 24 Oct 2020
  • 1392 reads
13 comments
 
 
With the ghost of Cary Grant as my guide, I swaggered over to the ticket window at Grand Central Terminal.
 
“Judy! Judy! Judy!” I said. “I’d like a bedroom on the 20th Century.”
 
“Oh, please,” said the ticket agent. “Not another one.”
 
“Another one?”
 
“Yeah. We get jokers like you coming in here a dozen times a day. Out-of-towners looking for cheap thrills. ‘Oh, look at me! I’m standing at the same ticket window Cary Grant stood at in North by Northwest! Somebody pinch me! Take a picture before I faint!’ Oh, brother. Just tell me where you want to go and I’ll sell you a ticket. That’s how this works. We’re not a talent agency looking for cheap comic impersonators. And if you tell me you want a ticket to Mount Rushmore I’m calling security. We have a special cell in the basement for tourists who torment the citizens of New York City with counterfeit British accents. I hear we once arrested Dick Van Dyke not long after his assault on the Queen’s english in Mary Poppins. Made him watch My Fair Lady a dozen times till he learned his lesson. And, unless a sultry Eva Marie Saint is about jump into your arms with wild abandon, and a look in her eye that could drop a man’s trousers at twenty paces, I suggest you mosey along and peddle your papers somewhere else. I have a legitimate ticket window to run.”
 
“I don’t really need a ticket,” I said. “I download my monthly pass on my phone. It’s easier than lining up at the window.”
 
“What line? Do you see a line? I don’t see a line. Now look to your left and then look to your right. Do you see anyone at the other ticket windows? Of course you don’t. Because I’m the only ticket window open these days. And the only one giving me the business is you. Now scram. I’m going on my break.”
 
“Anyone ever tell you you look a lot like Lex Luther?”
 
“Only since 1978. You tell that to every bald guy you come across? And, no, you can’t come visit my secret lair buried deep in the heart of this old terminal. Now why don’t you run along and leave me in peace. I’m too close to retirement to put up with the likes of you anymore.”
 
And with that he was gone. Like he was sucked through the bowels of the earth by an unseen vacuum tube. Could it be? Nah. that’s silly. It must have been an illusion. Or was it? 
 
 
 
Picture: Self-portrait.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Certificate U
Story
Humour

Comments

Submitted by celticman on

No illusion. That vaccum sucker is going to come in handy soon, when it suck the moron's moron into the pits of the earth Never mind Cary Grant. Remember when we used to have ticket guys (and gals)?

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

He'll get his, I'm counting on it. Worse four years of my life over here. Politically speaking. Downright nasty atmosphere. I do these bits to escape the real world for a moment. I recently had to block my 86 year old brother-in-law from my Facebook page. It got nasty. I spoke to him once since my son's memorial in 2014, and he tries to give me a spanking on my own page. I don't do nasty on my page, so I spanked him back. lol. Fucking world is nuts. My place of business is closing up shop -- boarding up the doors and windows, the whole bit -- during election week in anticipation of violent protests no matter whch way the election goes. My daily commuute is downrigtht depressing. About a dozen passengers in my car campared with the 60 plus before covid. Mask wearing people getting cranky. Including me. And cranky ain't my MO. I'm tired. Twin granbabies coming today and now I've got to shift gears and get myself to a happy place. It's not hard with those two and the woman I'm married to. thanks for hating Trump as much as I do. I enjoy the company. And I'm thinking those ticet folks were forced inot early retirment, or maybe camping out with Lex Luther. Cheers, celtic.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

Enjoyed this, hope the ticket seller is not replaced by a machine or AI. Maybe they would make a special insult algorithm.

What you say about windows being boarded up because expecting unrest whichever wins, I didn't know it was that bad! It must be so stressful for you. And even splitting your family. Hope everything gets better for you soon

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Between ticket maches and phone apps, I've never seen more than one window open at any given time. Sad sometimes the things we do for convienence sake. Give me some of that ol' human touch. Glad you stopped aby and read. I havne't written anything since June and this one was barely over four hundred words, but it's a start. Thanks again DH.

Rich

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

How is your editing of the 'Craven Chronicles' coming on? Is that why no new writing?

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Thanks for asking, DH. Let's just say I've got the book built, But I haven't had a look at it since mid-August. I giave it a bit of a rest. Now I've got to go in and throw up a few curtains, toss around a few rugs, Add a little more color to the living room. That sort of thinkg. lol. I want to have something out by the end of November, early December. That's the plan anyway. And between Trump and the covid my head got turned around and I wasn't thinking funny, or feeling funny, just feeling pissy. But one thing I hate more than feeling pissy is whining about it, so I won't. Moving forward is the best way to go. See what happens when you ask me a simple question? I could have just answered 'yes' or 'no'. Ha. That you cared to ask is making me feel better already. So chers to you and yours are safe and sound and healthy.

Rich

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Thank you for the cherries, Eds. 

 

Submitted by Mark Say on

So that's wot 'appened to that Dick van Dyke bloke after 'e came over 'ere an' taught us all to talk like this. Awright guvnor!

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

I like Dich Van Dyke. Grew up watching his tv show, but when I saw him in Mary Poppins in 1964 I knew something was not right. I remember thinking, 'More singing, less talking.'  Ha.

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

'I hear we once arrested Dick Van Dyke not long after his assault on the Queen’s english in Mary Poppins.' So glad to hear he got his just deserts. That was truly a crime!

I hope you're having a wonderful weekend with those two little stars - sending you a hug and every single finger crossed for a good outcome on November 4th xx

 

 

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Thanks, Claudine. It was a crime, Claudine. I mean you had perfectly good guys around your parts at the time. I'm think Tommy Steelle etc. And we did have a great weeken with the twins. No video bits, but they're big into being read to. Which I love. It means I don't have to watch Boss Baby for the umpteenth time. lol.

Hugs to you as well. Thanks for your election day support. We need all the good vibes we can get. 

Rich xxx

 

Submitted by Penny4athought on

So nice to see another story here- Ahhh Grand Central nice place- great ceiling and art but...If only they hadn't destroyed Penn Station…so weeps my heart- But then I am a lover of old architecture. You have truly captured the taciturn New York attitude well with your ticket taker and I think I’ve met him. As to the state of union these days, it is rife with unrest for sure, but I am hopeful the world will be sunnier sometime in November. So don’t fret putting Old Craven Danger’s book on back burner it will simmer when you’re ready to stir it again-- and we will be just as anxious to read it.smiley

 

Penny4athought

Submitted by hudsonmoon on

Hi, Penny. sorry so late with reply. Like a lot of folks I think 2020 has numbed my senses. By August I was in no humor to work on the Craven book. But I seem to be coming around and I'm back on track. Hope you are safe and in good health in your neck of the woods. It's always fun hearing from you.

Rich x