Parcel for You - Part 46

 

‘Thanks for the coffee, Spencer. Do you think you could bring the gin and tonic in here too, and some ice?’

 

Spencer gave Pat a lingering look. ‘Yes I suppose so. I’ll be going to bed soon though, after I’ve finished washing up and changed Annie’s bedding.’

 

‘Oh you don’t have to do that, I don’t mind where I sleep, the sofa is fine,’ she said, patting the seat cushion.’

 

Spencer left, returning with the bottles then stood in the doorway a while as if suspicious of something.

 

‘Something’s not right,’

 

Vanessa rolled her eyes. ‘It’s that bloody voice again,’ she whispered and craned her head to look back at him. ‘Thank you Spencer,’ she said in a raised voice, ’we’ll see you in the morning.’

 

‘Robot dismissed!’ Pat said and then burst out laughing.

 

‘Might be time to stop drinking now, you two. It will only make you feel ill tomorrow,’ he said as he walked away.

 

Pat laughed. ‘Okay Spencer, thanks for the tip.’

 

‘Shshsh, leave my husband alone.’

 

Spencer slipped away while Pat stood up and began to wander around the lounge inspecting the various ornaments. ‘You know, this room looks really lovely, Vanessa. I think it must be Spencer’s touch. Everything is so polished and neat.’ She picked up a framed black and white, grainy, Victorian family photograph and frowned, ‘Is this one of those pictures where everyone’s dead?’

 

‘No, Pat, those are my ancestors.’

 

‘It’s sad that you don’t have a wedding photo of you and Spencer.’

 

Vanessa shrugged, ‘I suppose we could both dress up and have a little photo session but I’m not really that bothered. Marriage was just part of the contract of taking on a cyber spouse because you have to take responsibility for it.’

 

They chatted for a while until it got to half past ten, that was the time Spencer went into his shutdown mood. Vanessa switched on her laptop and showed Pat the page of instructions she’d found posted on the forum. ‘This is what we need to do,’ she said, ‘a series of actions in order to fix him, to undo the damage done by that engineer.’

 

‘Really? Can you be bothered though? I mean it’s not really that bad..in fact it’s almost helpful to have another opinion, an objective voice flagging up threats or whatever. I quite like it.’

 

‘Well I don’t. I wanted him to be more like a real man and he did a lot of studying on that subject before our break away. He made progress but now he’s all, I don’t know, botty again.’

 

‘Okay, if you’re sure, I’ll help you. I’m good with computers but you can’t bottle it, Vanessa, you have to be committed. I know what you’re like.’

 

Vanessa wasn’t really sure what was meant by this comment but they both went up to the bedroom and stood next to the bed staring at Spencer who was lying on his bed in his usual shut-down position.

 

‘Oh look at him,’ Pat whispered, ‘his face is so smooth and relaxed.’

 

‘You don’t have to whisper, he won’t wake up.’

 

‘Can I touch him?’ Pat knelt down and twirled his hair in her fingers. ‘Oh his hair is so real. I’m sure it’s grown since I last saw him.’

 

‘Yes, apparently that can happen. I’m going to roll him over and quickly change his cartridge because he’s eating now so there’s a bit more maintenance.’ Vanessa pushed him over and yanked down his pyjama bottoms.

 

Pat watched with her mouth open. ‘Very rough aren’t you?’

 

‘No, not really. You said I had to be committed and we’ve got a lot to get through. Please read the first couple of instructions while I do this.’

 

‘Access the control panel on the back of your robot!’

 

‘Well you’re shouting now, just speak normally. I’m almost done with this bit,’ Vanessa inserted a fresh cartridge and pulled his bottoms up just enough to cover his modesty.’ Charlie the cat had entered the scene and sat down on Spencer’s back. ‘Shoo Charlie, go away! We’re doing an operation.’

 

The cat eyed everyone in the room in turn then took a few steps away and positioned himself three feet away on the bed and watched in the loaf position.

 

‘Turn all his settings to neutral.’

 

‘They already are in neutral, should be.’

 

‘Okay, now open the mizzen flap on the back of his head. You will be able to feel the raised rectangular perimeter of relief hidden just above the hairline.’ 

 

‘Mizzen flap? What the hell?’

 

‘Run your finger along his hairline, Vanessa,’ Pat shoved in front of her friend and placed her hand on Spencer's head. ‘Here, I can feel it,’ she said, tapping.

 

‘But his hair is all growing there. I don’t understand.’

 

Pat pushed on the flap and it popped off onto the bed; a rectangular curved piece of plastic, covered on one side with dark hair and on the other, smooth with two little snap-on ridges. ‘Don’t lose that otherwise his head will always be open.’

 

Vanessa took a deep, shaky breath and placed the flap on the bedside table. ‘I daren’t look in,’ she said.

 

‘It’s actually not that bad. There’s a lot of wiring but it’s quite orderly.’ Pat peered into the headspace, then looked back at the instructions on the laptop. ‘Next! Locate the wire connector for audible filtering alerts. This is coloured orange and located in the social conformation sector of processing.’

 

‘I need you to keep an eye on him, Vanessa, while I study the photograph.’

 

‘What am I looking for?’

 

‘I don’t know, just guard his head, make sure nothing flies in, no mosquitos or whatever.’ Pat followed this instruction with a burst of laughter.

 

‘What are you laughing at?’

 

‘This. It’s just preposterous isn’t it, it’s even more preposterous than the bailiffs turning up at Stu’s flat at seven in the morning.’ Pat looked very alarmed all of a sudden. ‘Hey watch the cat!’

 

‘Charlie no!’ Pat grabbed her cat by the waist and pulled him away from Spencer’s head but one of his claws was clasped around a wire and she had to unhook it leaving it partly pulled out. ‘Oh noooo!’

 

‘Don’t panic. Don’t panic Vanessa. I’ve got a photograph in front of me of how it’s all supposed to look. We can put it back.’

 

‘But the wire is all slack now. Oh I knew we shouldn’t have done this. What on earth was I thinking!’

 

Pat turned around and put her hands on Vanessa’s shoulders. ‘It’s going to be okay. Robots can be fixed. If this was a human brain, everything would just be falling out like spaghetti. Now get that cat out and shut the door. We need to fix this. Please can I have some tweezers?’

 

Vanessa ushered Charlie out and dashed into the bathroom to locate tweezers which she placed gently on Spencer’s back. She perched on the edge of the bed and leaned across to look at the instructions on the laptop. ‘I really hope this UglyEd Independent Cyborg Consultant character is the real deal, Pat.’

 

‘Well he’s all we’ve got to go on right now.’ Pat studied the photo then placed her eyes very close to the opening of Spencer’s head and began to feed the loose wire back in. There was a long period of silence where all that could be heard was Vanessa’s heavy breathing and the sound of Charlie scratching on the door to get back in. ‘There, all done. And I’ve disconnected audible filtering alerts, well, according to the instructions.’

 

‘Oh thank god. I would never have coped with this by myself.’

 

‘Please pass me the mizzen flap,’

 

‘No I don’t want to touch it! Please Pat just close everything up now. Charlie and I are very stressed.’

 

The mizzen flap was re-attached and Spencer was returned to his regular shut-down position, on his back. Pat clapped the palms of her hands together in a rubbing motion. ‘I could turn professional,’ she said.

 

‘I really need a drink. Let’s go down.’

 

They left the bedroom, tripping over Charlie who was desperate to get back in and see what all the fuss was about. Downstairs Pat began to rifle through the kitchen cupboards. ‘I think I need a sugar rush after all that. I feel quite light-headed.’ She removed a packet of jelly and said, ‘we don’t have time for this to set do we. I suppose I could eat it raw. Have you got any custard?’

 

‘I’ve got some Birds powder somewhere I think.’

 

‘Hey, we could make a trifle. Do you have any sponge fingers?’

 

‘No,’ Vanessa shook her head defiantly but then they both stopped dead, their eyes shining and wide. Standing in the doorway in his pyjamas was Spencer.