The Unsent Letter

Cherry

By Jane Hyphen

Mon, 01 Apr 2019
  • 2183 reads
8 comments
 

 

Dear Pickled Hemorrhoid

 

Following on from our unfruitful conversation the other day I wish to point out to you that the incessant noise from your pet mammal’s ghetto blaster is totally unacceptable and the fact that the faulty wiring in your little shrew-like brain is unable to see that really BOILS MY PISS.

 

It’s obviously you who has the problem; the kind of person who seeks to take offence to every innocent little comment made to them and who believes their own puerile bullshit clearly has a STICK STUCK somewhere and people can smell that a mile away.

 

Regards

 

Reasonable neighbour.

 

 

Certificate 12
Story
Inspiration Point (work that responds to our weekly writing cue)

Comments

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Thanks for the cherries. I think I was banned from sending this letter but as I remember it, I complained very mildly about the noise from her handy man and the neighbour, most irrationally, yelled at me, 'How dare you, he's just got divorced!' This perverse response left me baffled and I must have written that very rude letter in despair of how to move forward.

 

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

What a refreshingly vituperative note! What did you send instead - or did you just shoot them both?

 

Submitted by airyfairy on

Oh, you should have sent it!  It's splendid.  Alternatively, make a little doll and stick pins in.  

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

Ha ha, maybe I should have, life is too short not to throw a spanner in the works from time to time. Thanks Fairy.

 

Submitted by Di_Hard on

I am always doing this, only to the council :0) Luckliy my partner is more tactful. Or at leaast a bit tactful. I think it might be why my computer keeps going wrong, corrosion from the saved section...

I do hope her name was Particia Hebgood or something, and when introducing her to other people you call her Picckled by mistake?

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

The council yes, I can just imagine, the way they fail to serve their residents is enough to make anyone insensed (who exactly do they serve?). I went through my old document files, almost all of which were dated but not titled and many of them had nothing there because I'd written something, decided it was rubbish and then deleted it. One of them just said, 'What is fire and fury, like the world has never seen?' I was obviously dwelling on Trumpisms.

I remember now why I said 'pickled' it's because she's a proper alcoholic, the sort who hasn't admitted she has a problem yet.

 

Submitted by fatboy74 on

You had me at Pickled Hemorrhoid, and now I know how to spell hemorrhoid correctly.

 

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

It's a bit like diarrhoea, it's only when you try to write it down that you realise how diffcult it is to smell...I mean to spell. Should definately be in those creepy spelling olympics. Thanks for commenting.