Seven Things

Some things I don't understand - why would she assume that because the narrator liked girls, she wanted to be a man? And is there a significance to the number 7? There's some parts I get, but for some reason it doesn't come accross as real to me. But that's probably just me. Some bits didn't really make sense to me, either, like - 

'I might have been a piece of sky

I might have been a purple foetus again

Swimming through her cunt' - this just sounds like an excuse to try and shock the reader with the c word. There might be a place for the word, but I don't think this is it because you said 'purple fetus again...' but the foetus never did that in the first place ?

As a poem, I think this could work, but it needs quite a bit of editing. If it was mine I'd have another go at it because I think there is a strong message in it. Hope something I've said might be helpful. 

I wonder if using the word cunt is meant to shock - maybe express contempt for the mother, but you are right bee, if she's aiming for accuracy the poet could perhaps use birth canal?

I found this a strong and powerful piece - a bit of work could make it even stronger

both for its freshness and use of language to push out the depth of feelings, and at the end, I understood both of them...    for their loss of their hope of mutual understanding... 

of course I'd be unable myself given the same circs

Hello Jewel, good to see you posting. I like this. It's moving, unusual and holds some of the intolerance of sexuality in the mix of maternal responses.

So important. An issue that shouldn't be an issue. Written with urgency and passion. 

The last few lines so painful, a mother's changed perspective is so very hard to live with.  The repeated telling feels affirmative and powerful.