The Gateway - Chapter XII: Tears Of An Angel

‘Can you feel it in the air tonight?’ The soldier asked. I couldn’t see for the bandages, but I was sure by the sound of his voice he was smiling as he said it.
‘Feel what?’ I snapped, tiresome of his constant questioning and vagueness.
‘War – John -it’s coming, I promise you that, and when it is over our beliefs will have spread into the hearts and souls of men, of all classes, and we can regain control from the Liberals. We must end the tyranny of Germany, of socialism, of God. Tomorrow the true war will begin, the war to end the internal afflictions of England, and at the village fete the word of the New Model Soldier will pass through the ears of the children of Blackberry, for they can be moulded and are not stubbornly set in their ways like their mothers and fathers – told lies for so many years that they would rather live a fantasy than admit the truth that their God does not exist. Nothing can stop us John, nothing.’

I awoke to see William beaming above me before receiving a sharp prod.
‘Wake up coz, the fete starts at eleven, ‘tis nine already.’
‘Well, that’s plenty of time then, isn’t it William?’ I said irritably.
‘You forget Alice and Jane, they shall take longer than us and we must be at their house early to urge them to make haste.’ To this intelligence I moaned feebly and pulled the duvet over my head. William promptly tore it out of my hands and slung it on the floor.
‘C’mon John, hurry up.’ I shivered, having no protection to save me from the chills of the spring morning, before the sun has warmed the earth and the dew from the night before has departed to the heavens. I curled up into a ball, trying to stop myself from getting cold, but alas it was no use and I had to get up like William requested.

We arrived at Jane and Alice’s at a quarter to ten after showering and getting dressed. Jane answered the door with her hair in a ponytail and dressed in pink pyjamas.
‘Hello, you two, I’m not quite ready yet… as you can see, however you are more than welcome to sit in the lounge whilst I get dressed. Oh, Alice is in the kitchen John if you want to go and see her.’ Jane said with an embarrassed smile. I nodded and entered the house behind William. William went to the lounge and started conversation with Jane’s mother and I, hearing Alice in the kitchen, went thither.

Alice was spreading some butter from Millbrook Farm across some toast as I entered. Millbrook was the farm next to King Farm on the left, whilst our farm was on the right. She had her back to me and so I stealthily crept up to her and putting my face next to her ear, with care not to brush against her and thus alert her to my presence, and whispered a sharp ‘boo!’ and witnessed her jump and whirl round with a fearful countenance afore a smile broke out upon it and she hit me playfully upon the arm.
‘John! How could you; I nearly jumped out of my socks!’
I laughed and gave her a hug.
‘Sorry, I couldn’t resist Alice.’ She pulled a mock-sad expression.
‘You really are simply awful to me sometimes.’ Alice said as she slathered marmalade over her toast and cut the round of toast into four squares.
‘I used to have toast like that when I was little,’ I said, ‘but William and Aunt Laura cut their toast into two triangles.’ Alice shrugged.
‘Guess you should come here sometime for breakfast then.’
‘Yeah, maybe. Are you going to the fete then?’ I asked.
‘Yes, after I have eaten and Jane has washed and dressed herself.’ Alice replied after taking a bite of her marmalade on toast. I watched Alice devour the rest of her meal and then asked her what the fete was like, it being my first time going.
‘It’s pretty good, everybody in the village goes. A few people come from Outset as well, if they have family here that is. There are quite a lot of things going on, there is a little market place area, and I suppose your aunt will be trying to sell your farms produce there. There is also a raffle every year that Reverend Osborne does, the money goes to the church fund I think, he gets people to donate unwanted stuff and then you buy a ticket and you get whatever the corresponding duplicate ticket is affixed to. There is always a homemade lemonade stand and Jude and his dad always have furniture for sale. They also have this game for the children where Mrs Danvers…’
‘She owns the village shop right?’ I interrupted.
‘Yes. Anyway, she puts a lot of sweets into a big jar and you have to guess how many are inside and the closest guess gets the jar. I won it last year, ‘twas two hundred and seventy-six sweets if I remember correctly!’ Alice said, becoming quite animated. ‘Shall we sit with William and Mother while Jane gets ready?’
I nodded and followed her through to the lounge.

Jane took another forty-five minuets to get ready and then the four of us set off for the village square. Jane’s mother said she would come later with her husband. I spotted Reverend Osborne as soon as we arrived. He was talking to a man who looked like he was in his late forties. His hair was a light grey, though it was still quite thick for he was not losing it yet. His attire looked expensive, his eyes were an icy blue and I noticed a smug smile on his face as he looked round the square. Reverend Osborne spotted me.
‘John, come here, I want you to meet someone.’ I locked eyes with this finely dressed stranger and although he smiled warmly enough, his eyes filled me with an unknown dread as the soldier did. My mouth became dry as I approached the twain, my heartbeat became unsteady and yet I did not know why.
‘John, this is Benjamin, Benjamin this is John.’ Reverend Osborne introduced me to the stranger. I stuck out my hand quickly, remembering what Susan had taught me about etiquette and grasped his hand firmly as I shook it.
‘I have heard quite a bit about you John, it would seem you are quite smitten with my eldest daughter, and given the amount of time you spend with each other it is apparent, oddly enough, she is, in her own bizarre little way, fond of you.’ I instantly knew who he was.
‘Mr Payne, I presume?’
‘Yes, I am Susan’s father. I hope you do not listen to Susan too intently when she goes on one of her deranged rants about our Lord? She is a very clever little girl but puts her wit to ill use, if only she focused on the truth, well, she could be every fathers dream child, but alas, she dedicates herself to blasphemy. However, Reverend Osborne is doing a very good job of correcting her, I’m sure.’ Benjamin smiled eerily.
‘Is Susan aware that you are here Sir?’ I asked.
‘No not yet, I have come with my wife, she has been desperate to see them… she did not wholly agree with their sending away but it is better this way – it is embarrassing for me to have those children at my house. You see John, I am the minister of my church in Kent, and it is simply unacceptable to carry on preaching the word of God when my own flesh and blood detest him so openly in my community. They have caused no huge problems for you I hope Osborne?’
‘Apart from the outburst Andrew made last year as I have informed you already they have been well behaved as far as I am aware. Oh, actually, come to think of it Felicity used our Lord’s name in vain yesterday, due to vexation, but I have had a talk with her about that.’ Osborne answered.
‘Good, my permission to strike them if their mouths are to run away with them still stands – I will talk to Felicity about this when I see her. What vexed her so?’
‘She told me, in her own words: “the incompetence and stupidity of that vile little commoner,” she is referring to a boy in her class at school, as I believe.’

It was then when I saw Susan, Peter, Andrew, Felicity, Hall and a girl who I presumed to be Rebecca. I caught Susan’s eye and then something happened that filled me with questions. Her eyes fell upon her father and I saw in Susan a fear that was truly appalling. I saw no such fear when she was powerless to the rapist that she burned alive, but here was a fear that scared even me it was so true. What had Benjamin Payne done to his daughter to make her react in such a way to just the very sight of him? She had been talking gaily to Rebecca but now she choked upon her unspoken thoughts. Then I saw tears roll down Susan’s face. She was silent, almost like she was paralysed, her fear was not one that made her scream – it was deeper than that. One screams at the unknown, like when Felicity and Peter had screamed when they saw Susan in her New Model Soldier uniform. They screamed because they did not know what she was. It is when one has intelligence about that which one fears that they weep silently, for their fear is so deep it would be futile to do anything else, because they know what is to come. Susan’s fear was not was of death, it was possibly not even fear of physical harm, her fear was the consequence of years of emotional and mental scarring at the hands of the man she called father. I realised that now. I realised this man who proclaimed himself a messenger of God was in fact the Devil, he who had driven so much hatred, paranoia and mistrust of men into the heart and soul of a girl who seemed so fragile, delicate and lovely. Perhaps that is what scared me. Susan is the strongest, bravest person I know and yet here she was reduced to a defenceless child, an emotional puddle, reminiscing the injury she had suffered. Tears fell from mine own eyes, for my love for Susan and the witnessing of her complete distress ached my own heart and I too felt weak, unable to help my friend, unable to comfort her. I sobbed, drawing attention to myself from Benjamin and Osborne. I was lost in sorrow. Susan and I locked eyes once more and we both knew in that instant that there was darkness to follow, that our world was at threat and that we were both openly petrified, and so complete was our horror that not even the food of pride which sustained us both was enough to banish our inhibited emotional display of grief. I noticed Susan’s hand gripped Rebecca’s fiercely through my blurred vision. Rebecca looked horrified to see her confident, and at times, linguistically abrasive friend shaking violently.
‘Susie, darling, whatever is the matter?’ Rebecca asked; lost to what had changed Susan’s disposition so dramatically.

Andrew then noticed what had sent his little sister into such melancholy. Andrew too shrunk with fear, his eyes hard and ablaze with an intense fury. He stood seething, his body tense and primed to attack if he felt obliged to. Felicity also saw her father and clung to Susan tightly, like if she were to let go she would fall forever into the burning, fiery Hell beneath. Never had I seen such companionship and love between the twain, they had always been bickering and fighting and yet now, when confronted by a mutual fear, through the darkness of hatred, I saw they were bound together by a sincere love for one another. Susan held her little sister tight, like a mother reassuring a scared child and stroked her hair in an effort to comfort her. Peter stood silently, mouth open, shocked apparently by his father’s presence. Then tears rolled down his face and he looked up to Andrew, possibly to protect him. Rebecca and Hall looked confused, they too saw Benjamin but in all probability they assumed that their four friends had dearly missed their parents whilst they had been in Blackberry.
‘Whatever is the matter John?’ asked Benjamin before his line of sight followed mine and fell upon his offspring. ‘Susan, Felicity – my girls, come. You boys too.’
The four of them reluctantly moved forward, Rebecca and Hall with them.
‘Is Mother here?’ Felicity bleated, no doubt eager to find a more compassionate parent.
‘Yes, she is with Mrs Osborne, they’ve gone to the market I expect, though I doubt they’ll find anything of note in this pitiful little village.’
‘May I go and see her? I’ve missed her awfully.’ Asked Felicity.
‘Have you not missed me, my precocious little princess?’ Benjamin smiled, though there were undertones of menace and aggression behind the question.
‘Oh, yes - of course - Father.’ Felicity answered, a little subdued.
‘Good. Have you been crying Susan – has Andrew been teasing again?’
‘No, ‘tis tears of joy – I haven’t see you for so long Daddy.’
‘Yes, well my dear, once I am convinced you have learned the words of Jesus and realise the only path in life is a righteous one you shall be allowed back home. Oh, hello Robert, hello Rebecca. I trust you are both well?’ Benjamin said, noticing Hall and Rebecca. I gathered, by means of assumption, that Hall’s first name was Robert for there could be no one else Benjamin was addressing.
‘Yes, we’re both feeling well, Mr Payne – I hope you are in full health also?’ replied Hall, stretching out his hand and shaking Benjamin’s firmly with a jovial smile on his face. I expect Hall fancied himself as a potential son-in-law to Benjamin. What a bitter irony it is for Hall that Susan finds him laughable, for his stupidity if nothing else. Even I, despite my tender age and lack of experience, recognise Hall has no chance of winning Susan’s hand unless in circumstances that would unravel in such a nature that Susan would be forced to accept him.
‘May we see Mummy then?’ Susan asked impatiently, starting to regain her usual regal composure.
‘If you must Susie, but make sure you are back at the house before dinner. Have you had any luncheon yet?’ Benjamin asked.
‘No, Daddy, I’m certain we’ll get some when we join Mummy.’ Benjamin nodded. The six of them departed towards the market. Benjamin then turned to me.
‘Why are you crying John? Surely you don’t miss your mother also?’
‘No, she lives here. It just that… my… dog died today and I feel simply awful about it because I shouted at him yesterday for coming in my room when I was trying to rest.’ I lied, not really detecting his joke. ‘Well, nice to meet you,’ I said sniffling and shaking Benjamin’s hand and then Osborne’s. As I walked away I marvelled at my ability to lie so convincingly; I suppose it comes naturally when one associates themselves with the likes of Susan and Andrew, who seem like they would make successful politicians with the influence they could carry with words, most of them economical with the truth.

‘What was that about coz?’ Williams asked as I joined him, Jane and Alice once more.
‘Nothing. Let me be.’ I said. I thought of Susan. Her tears. Her helplessness. I would talk to her and see if I could be of help. For what else is the point of a friend?