What Are You Writing Daddy?
By johnshade
- 1119 reads
Nothing. Just a story.
What's it about?
Nothing really. Just a man in a taxi going to an airport. It's really boring.
Let me hear it daddy.
You want me to read it?
Yes daddy. I want to hear it.
Yeah daddy, we want to you hear it!
Liam wants to hear it too daddy.
Okay. It starts like this:
Sun shadow sun. Brief beat – shock! Train blast \ blink \ palimpsest \ night \ shadow \ rail bridge printed on the battered tarmac, every strut and lattice of the metal structure inked blue-black on the morning gold by that infinitely patient \ hurry up! \ sun
That's all I've written so far. It's a silly story. It doesn't make much sense.
The bit at the end was good daddy. That made sense. But I would do a different story. I would do it like this:
There was a little boy named somebody (you have to make up a name).
Wait, let me write this down.
There was… are you writing this daddy?
Yep, yep, I'm writing.
Good.
There was a little boy called somebody (you make up a name).
How about Liam?
Okay. There was a little boy named — called Liam. And he woke up in the middle of the day and the sun wasn't up so he said 'wake up sun!' and the sun woke up. (You can make up the rest).
- Log in to post comments
Comments
Daddy
I absolutely love this.
One little niggle ... I read it three times ... [Yeah daddy, we want to you hear it!] it reads like a typo. I don't want a hammer it home explanation ... but it needs maybe one more mixed up, unpronounced word to make it clear to the reader that this is a younger child talking and not an author typo.
Other than that, beautiful. There is not a single word that suggests that the older child is a girl, or even to suggest that she is the older sibling ... but 'her' voice is so strong.
As to the suject of the story...everyone's a critic eh? Loved it.
- Log in to post comments