Novel solutions on gun control

Cherry

By jxmartin

Sun, 29 May 2022
  • 1863 reads
9 comments
 

 

               I read the news today! Specifically, I was intrigued by the proposed notion of arming teachers in our schools, to prevent future murderous assaults. I think we have to follow the logic of this enlightened proposal all of the way through to tests its efficacy.

 

Hmm, let’s see. That would mean we should arm all Catholic nuns with forty-five caliber automatics, in a shoulder holsters. That would prevent church attacks. And then, we should consider arming all saxophone players with machine guns to prevent parade assaults.

 

Then, we could insist that all sports teams have a designated hitter who carries a flame thrower. That would short circuit attacks in those venues. And of course, in sports stadiums, we could arrange to have racks of sub machine guns, located in every section, for quick use in defense by any anxious fans who feel threatened.

 

Air terminals are easy. The janitors could conceal high velocity sniper rifles in their dustbins, in case some whacko decided to blow up a bomb in an airport. Conductors on trains could pack holstered pistols like the nuns for ready use. Arming nurses in hospitals is even easier. Stilettos and ice picks would be their main line of defense.

 

Did I forget anything? Oh, yes. Referees, at all sporting events, could wear bandoleers of ammo and carry a B.A.R for use in suppressing potential trouble makers. And, of course, life guards at beaches and pools could hide an M-16 in their towers for use if necessary.

 

Or, we could return from the “la la land” of fantasy and deal with the very real problem of assault weapons readily available for any whacko who wants to buy and use one to murder people.

 

There is no need or intent to abridge any citizen’s second amendment right to bear arms. But, there is a greater need for our society to protect us from the senseless violence of whackos who have a bad hair day and decide to start murdering people because it is fun and will get their name in the paper. Many people in America are deer and fowl hunters, with shotguns and hunting rifles in their homes. Many small business owners file for a pistol permit, to carry for protection of themselves in their shops. None of these people feels the need for an assault rifle. All of them support the second amendment to the U.S. Constitution.

 

Until politicians stop fear mongering and finger pointing, none of our children or families will be safe on our streets. And that is one sorry state of affairs in any one’s reckoning.

 

                                                      -30-

 

                                              (454 words)

 

                                          Joseph Xavier Martin

 

 

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Comments

Submitted by Jane Hyphen on

It's just so hard to understand the mentally but I guess it's coming from a standpoint of fear and insecurity and that's a hard one to crack.

 

Submitted by celticman on

anythiing that comes out of the lips of the moron's moron Trump is obviously a bad idea. Guns are a billion dolloar industry hiding in plain sight under the Second Amendment. I felt sorry for the shooter's mum, poor woman. 

 

Submitted by David Kirtley on

A great way of showing how ridiculous it is to expect people of many other professions to also be proficient in and trained in the use of semi automatic or assault weapons, just in case the worst happens and a crazy young man decides to use his current right to use weapons which were never even envisioned by the founding fathers when they wrote the American constitution! Although there may be a place for some security guards in some settings to have them, it would be so much better if the more dangerous guns, at least were just restricted to people who could at least be trusted not to misuse them.

Trump and Cruz and other gun lobby Republicans (largely) are sounding quite ridiculous. I don't think anyone should vote for them until they come up with sensible gun policies which protect the people and the kids.

Submitted by jxmartin on

I couldn't summarize it any better, David.

Thanks,

JXM

Submitted by airyfairy on

Sometimes the only response to the ridiculous is ridicule. It's so very, very sad - what seems to be a deadly combination of mythology and big business defying reason and, I gather, the will of the majority to ban assault rifles and have greater background checks. The shooter was just a kid himself - a tragedy all round.

On a totally different note, you've directly quoted the Beatles' lyric, and although I know it's a complete pain in the behind, could you take out the direct quote and just make a reference to it somehow. Under copyright law the only bit of a song you can legally quote is the title (unless you have permission), and the proportionality thing whereby you can quote a certain amount of a book or article etc doesn't apply to lyrics because they're so short and the proportions are all out of whack. As I say, I know it's a complete pain, but them's the rules (unfortunately!). 

Submitted by jxmartin on

Thanx, Airy. I wasn't aware of the particulars of the statute. Absurdity of policy demands absurdity of thought as an answer.

JXM

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

We've just had a very interesting chat (amongst the editors) on what you could get away with here, joseph, as an opening line, without leaving us (as a foundation charity without the funds to be taken to court) and we have arrived at the following:

'I read the news today, oh boy! Specifically, I was intrigued by the proposed notion of arming teachers in our schools, to prevent future murderous assaults. I think we have to follow the logic of this enlightened proposal all of the way through to tests its efficacy.'

Leave out all mention of the band. Everyone will still know what you're referencing and no-one will be sued. Win win! Obviously it's your work and you can put whatever you want, but please don't use any reference to the band, either by nickname or actual name. Thank you!

 

Submitted by jxmartin on

Good suggestion, Insert. Also, it is  a learning experience. I had no idea of the breadth of the law. I suppose its intent is to protect all of us who scribble. I have made the adjustment.Thanks.

JXM

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Thank you Joseph - the companies that own the rights to these things are very quick to fire off letters, so we're very grateful to our writers for avoiding the possibility of us losing money