Sharks

Sharks

As the early morning sun streamed through the bedroom curtains, picking
up floating dust particles in its warm fingers, Karen stared at her
reflection in disgust. Standing before the unforgiving mirror, she
watched her belly hang purposefully over the top of her knickers, like
a blancmange spilling from its mould. Closer inspection, with nose
pressed against glass, fuelled her opinion that the cellulite on her
thighs spitefully increased daily. "No wonder you haven't got a
boyfriend, " she chastised herself, before dressing her size fourteen
form in a suitably black and inconspicuous outfit.

Weight and size was an obsession for Karen. While other people obsessed
about George Clooney or Jimmy Choo shoes, Karen was consumed by
thoughts about how perfect life would be if she was a few pounds
lighter. If she could just lose that half a stone and fit comfortably
into a size twelve, then men would fall at her feet, she would be
promoted at work; she would be worry free. Every week she would pray
for a lottery win so that she could hot foot it to Harley Street for
some liposuction. A nip and tuck here, some drainage there and she'd be
svelte, gorgeous and envied. She was sure that all her problems would
melt away if she could too. It was as if she felt that her dress size
was in direct proportion to her overdraft, which at the moment was
substantial.

Years of persistent nagging and snide jokes from her closest family had
ensured that Karen felt a constant yearning to be slim. Like sharks,
her family circled her when she was vulnerable, waiting for the moment
when they could attack and claim victory over their victim. Numerous
teasing about whales and harpoons, total eclipses and more, Karen had
always tried to get the jokes in first and be jolly about her size,
while every time a piece of her died inside.

From the moment she woke until she closed her eyes to the night, a
voice in her head throbbed and niggled, to remind her of her failures,
of what she could be, if only she could become lighter. A dull ache in
her consciousness, it had been there for as long as she could remember.
Fat had been her loyal, if unwanted, lifetime companion. Even as a baby
she had been nicknamed Podge.

She imagined each day that her scales would tell her that she had
miraculously lost two stone. She told herself she loved shopping, yet
each trip turned into a masochistic ritual of walking into shops where
clothes were designed for pre-pubescent stick insects. Curvy just
wasn't in. To comfort herself after such tortuous outings, she found
herself gorging on chocolate and comforting crisps. The irony did not
escape her and each time the shopping trips became more arduous and
more traumatic.

On the advice of Karen's best friend, the fiendishly skinny Harriet,
Karen had, however, found some relief to her ordeal. Harriet, like the
rest of Karen's friends, knew Karen to be an attractive, curvy,
intelligent woman who was simply a bit neurotic. Harriet tried until
she was blue in the face to point out the many men who would love to go
out with her, but were pushed away by Karen's cloud of insecurity.
Eventually, Harriet resolved that Karen had to find out for herself how
gorgeous she was and if she lost a few pounds in the process, then
fine. Karen could experience the freedom she craved, but it was at the
risk of subjecting herself to more self-doubt and howls of derision
from her nearest and dearest.

It had taken all of her courage to go to the pool. She hadn't even swam
the first time she went. There was a rather good-looking lifeguard
surveying the area and far too many schoolchildren splashing each
other, who might point and stare at her bulk. There was no way she was
going to get practically naked in front of a lifeguard that gorgeous.
He looked like something out of Baywatch. The waves of unfounded
paranoia overcame her fleeting bravery. Defeated, she made the excuse
to herself that there were too many people to swim lengths comfortably,
and left for home.

That evening, undressing before the mirror as the familiar feelings of
depression bore down on her, Karen felt ashamed of herself to the pit
of her stomach. She told herself that she had only herself to blame for
suffering so much and the problems would not be solved by doing
nothing. Solutions would not be discovered in an empty chocolate
wrapper. If Vanessa Feltz could look fantastic, then so could she! And
so, the next morning before work, having received another stern pep
talk courtesy of Harriet, Karen again found herself at the swimming
baths. She popped her head around the door of the poolroom and gingerly
stepped in, clad in an enormous beach towel.

Alone, apart from an elderly lady in a bobbly swim cap, breast stroking
slowly up the pool, Karen felt safe enough to discard the towel and
lowered herself into the tepid turquoise water. Nervous, as if eyes
were secretly watching her, she tightened her ponytail and straightened
her black, panelled costume (chosen for slimability rather than
durability) and pushed off from the side. She glided through the water
effortlessly. It felt as natural for her as flight is to a bird. As a
teenager, Karen had been a strong swimmer and all her past strength
came back to her as she crawled the length of the pool, breathing
steadily and swimming purposefully towards the other end. She had only
given up because her brother had enlightened her to the fact that she
may create a tidal wave in Japan if she kept diving in.

Reaching the other side of the pool, Karen paused to catch her breath
and smiled. Checking that no one was watching, or smaning, heart
pumping and adrenaline coursing through her veins, she felt exhilarated
that she could feel so free. Floating, treading water, she finally felt
weightless. Everyday burdens and worries seemed to have been washed
away as she swam. The voice in her head had grown quieter.

This was Karen's secret. It remained her secret for two months, as
every other morning before work she visited the pool, her chlorine
haven. In the mirror she could see her body becoming more toned and
began to crave the feelings of buoyancy and power that enveloped her
whenever she was in the water. Away from nasty comments and put-downs,
her insecurity and paranoia were washed away every time she visited the
swimming baths. For Karen, the pool was her escape from impending
insanity. She even kept a look out for the good-looking lifeguard.
Karen swam and with each length gained a small degree of confidence.
Harriet felt deservedly smug.

Her sanctuary was not to last. Returning home one day, she flopped down
on the sofa besides her brother smaning suggestively to himself.
Karen ignored him as she often did and went to move to another seat as
her brother broke out into all-out guffaws. "Mrs. Hurst saw you today.
She said, she said that you were coming out of the swimming baths!"
Karen's brother was rolling on the floor with tears in his eyes. To her
horror, standing in the doorway of the living room, her parents had
joined in the cacophony, like hyenas in a pack.

Keeping her chin up, hoping that she was disguising the wobble brought
on by holding the tears back, keeping her shoulders straight despite
the racking sobs threatening to beat through her brave fa?ade, Karen
stood up to the predatory sharks for the first time in her life.
Informing her family that they were about as supportive as a wet paper
bag and that she was moving out before she became the latest axe
murderer to hit the headlines, Karen strode out of the house before
disintegrating into a mess of tears and smudged make-up.

Harriet had provided tissues, tea and flapjacks expertly as soon as
Karen had appeared on her doorstep looking like an extra from a horror
movie. "You need a girls night out, love," advised Harriet. Karen
thought her best friend had finally gone round the twist.
"Look at me!" Karen protested. "I am wearing my work clothes and I am
not going out on the town in them. Can't we just stay in and watch
Friends?"
Harriet rolled her eyes in despair. "I'll lend you something to wear.
We are going out. Understand?"
Karen knew for certain that Harriet had lost the plot. She was a slim
size ten and had been the object of Karen's envy for years. Still, a
few bevvies might just do the trick. Karen gulped her tea and spat it
out again as Harriet thrust a gorgeous green chiffon dress in her face.
"Are you out of your mind?" It's absolutely tiny!" Harriet glared at
Karen.

Karen stared at her reflection in amazement. Standing before the
mirror, she saw a vision in a size ten dress. She turned to Harriet and
grinned.

The sharks were all around Karen now, staring at her, commenting on her
figure, they circled her waiting for the opportune moment. "What about
him, he's lovely, " giggled Harriet, pointing to a suited City type
leaning against the bar. Karen looked over to where the man in question
was. "Nah, not my type! Far too scruffy!" The girls hooted with
laughter. Karen was like a new woman and it showed. She felt a tap on
her shoulder and rolled her eyes at Harriet before turning to see the
latest culprit to interrupt the friends that evening.
It was the gorgeous lifeguard from the pool. "I recognise you from the
pool. Would you like a drink?" he asked, smiling - and Karen just
melted away.