Bullying

My heart goes out to everyone who has suffered at the hands of
bullying. There seems to be no escape from the fact that bullying in
the UK is not being 'wiped out' as the government would like to think.
In fact more and more children are taking their lives because they
cannot handle the pressures.

There was a time in my own life when I considered ending it all because
I felt no one understood or even cared about what I was going through.
I remember locking myself in the bathroom holding the sharp razor to my
wrist with tears streaming down my face as I contemplated taking my own
life.

This is the first time I have written about that moment and right now I
feel the tears choking up in my eyes as I remember that awful time. I
had written a long letter to my mother explaining why I was going to
end it but luckily she never got to read that letter. It would have
broken my parent's hearts and they would have blamed themselves for the
rest of their lives, wondering if there had been anything they could
have done to ease my troubles.

I was a fifteen-year old girl who was enjoying being an adolescent. I
had a lot of friends - well people I considered to be friends at the
time. At the time I was best friends with a girl but we had an argument
and she involved other people into the argument trying to isolate
me.

Two girls from my year who were notorious for bullying decided to get
involved and they made my life hell. I could not go anywhere without
them hurling abuse at me, calling me names and making me out to be
something I wasn't.

I wish now that I stood up to them but I was weak and let them walk
over me. I thought that my friends would stick up for me but they did
not want any part of it and a lot of them backed off completely. I
think that was the worst part more than anything. I tried to keep on
top of things but other people started to get involved during classes,
thinking it was fun to pick on me when the teacher left the room.

I started to play truant a lot and made a couple of new friends. I
began to smoke and started to drink during the day. One girl who was
being bullied herself had told me about how she was thinking about
ending it all and showed me the quickest methods.

My parents had noticed a big change in me. I don't think they
understood why at nights I would stay in-doors and refuse to go down to
the youth club, or even why half of my friends had disappeared from my
life. My dad would get irritated with me and my mum tried to understand
but I didn't feel like letting them know what was happening to me.
After all they would only go to the school and that would make the
girls worse.

When I did go to school I felt alone. The boys were always making fun
of me and my so-called friends didn't know what to say. They have since
told me that they felt very guilty about not standing up for me because
they were frightened that my bullies would start picking on them.

When everything seemed to calm down I did go out with a group of
friends one night. We would hang around on the main street of Alness in
a small group, sometimes having a fly drink but mainly just to
socialise. For a while I felt a huge weight off my shoulders but that
was ruined when the two girls showed up.

One of them slapped my face and I guess I finally snapped because I
grabbed her and started fighting with her. For over 2 months I had been
living like a recluse but I wasn't going to take it any more. The other
girl started kicking me on my head which was extremely sore. She
managed to kick me hard that I couldn't see.
Luckily my brother's friends managed to pull me free from them and
dragged me away. I was screaming because everything was black but I
could still hear one of the girls shouting abuse at me. My sight was
fine after about what seemed ages but was only ten minutes. That was
frightening.

I decided that I was going to go to the police because I had gone
through enough and somehow the abuse had to stop. My mum and dad were
very upset when they saw the mess of me at the police station. I don't
think I'd ever seen my mum so angry.

The temple of my head was bulging from where one of the girls had been
kicking me. I was told that if the girl had kicked me harder I would
have ended up in hospital or perhaps even worse.

The biggest regret I have about the whole situation is that I did not
stand up to the girls earlier. After the fight everything started to
get better and I guess a lot of people realised the hell I went
through.

I wish that bullies would realise the pain and hurt that they put
people through. Bullies don't exist just in schools but in all aspects
of life. My advice is don't be a victim and stand up to those who
obviously have insecurities themselves.