I TELL THE TALE....

By kheldar

Fri, 06 Aug 2010
  • 3931 reads
15 comments
 

I tell the tale, I write the word
I pray the voice inside is heard,
I form the lines, fine-tune the prose
Arrange my thoughts in ordered rows.

I write the words, I tell the tales
I shape the breath my mind exhales,
I hone each verse, I craft each phrase
Seeking rhymes in a lingual maze.

The tale is told, the word is writ
I pray the voice inside is fit,
To speak aloud, to take its place
To face my peers and not disgrace.
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COPYRIGHT DM PAMMENT 6th AUGUST 2010

Certificate U
THE INNER CONDITION
Biography

Comments

Submitted by Hourhouse on
This is a nice summation of the process of creating rhyming poetry kheldar. Unfortunately, I stumble a bit in the second verse. It seems to lose the rhythm you have in the other two. The second and fourth lines seem a bit clunky to me. Can you see what I mean?

 

Submitted by kheldar on
Hi Hourhouse, Thank you for reading and commenting but thank you most of all for providing constructive criticism. I do see what you mean and I will revisit those lines accordingly. Thanks again, Kheldar :--)

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Submitted by shoe on
Ah yes, I recognise that struggle, one I often lose! well put ;D xx

 

Submitted by kheldar on
Why thank you Shirley, though from your finished aricles that is very hard to tell :D xxx

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Submitted by Hourhouse on
That's great. I really like that line - I shape the breath my mind exhales. It's a good description of the process. Thanks for sharing.

 

Submitted by kheldar on
My pleasure Hourhouse, I believe the changed lines really improve the poem overall so thanks again for your input.

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Submitted by MistakenMagic on
Really lovely ditty, David! Especially like the newly edited second verse ;) Magic xxx

 

Submitted by kheldar on
Thanks for your continuing support Magic, it really is appreciated. Pleased you like the edited verse, I too think it a great improvement over the original, even though I'd missed the inconsistencies myself (a phrase about forest and trees comes to mind!!) David xxx

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Submitted by Kahdai on
dont be so tough on yourself eh? writing used to be same for me, now it is simply for myself K xx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by kheldar on
Kahdai, you've picked up the thoughts I was having as I wrote this perfectly... and I will try to follow your advice. David xxx

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Submitted by Kahdai on
good :D xxx

"I will make sense with a few reads \^^/ "

Submitted by darkenwolf on
i can never quit manage to rhyme in poetry this is a master class in it well done (i do see the problem with stanza two; its the reverse of '...i tell the tale...' from the first stanza that seems not right some how.) Am i making any sense? Poetry isn't my best subject. ;)

Submitted by kheldar on
You make perfect sense darkenwolf, and thank you for your appreciation of my rhyming. I on the otherhand struggle with free form poetry. That I guess is the joy of diversity. Kheldar :--) P.S. Arghhhhhhh - I've already revisited lines 2 and 4 of the second stanza, now you've got me wondering about line 1. P.P.S. Ignore the "arghhhhh", I am actually glad when people tell me something doesn't quite work.

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Submitted by darkenwolf on
just remember that the critic isn't always right! ;)

Submitted by Hourhouse on
I suspect free form poetry is a left brain thing, and with me, it's a flow of consciousness. The lines break where it seems appropriate. Rhyming, scanning poetry seems more right brain, with its more rigid form and order. Fortunately, I seem to be ticking over quite well on both sides!