Self Hatred

Self-deprecation? Always

Self-criticism? Always

Self-disgust? Always

Self-harm?  Occasional

Self-analysis?  Way too much

Self-elimination?  An occasional possibility

Self-hatred?  Always, always, always.

I hated my body – I still hate my body

I hated my mediocrity – I still hate my mediocrity

I hated my social ineptitude – I still hate my social ineptitude

I hated not being perfect – I still hate not being perfect

I hated my lack of motivation – I still hate my lack of motivation

I hated my buck teeth – I hate that I once had buck teeth

I hated crying too much – I hate that now I cannot cry

In hindsight I hated my need for affirmation – I still hate my need for affirmation

In hindsight I hated being an arsehole – I still hate being an arsehole

I hate that I folded under pressure

I hate not being a real person

I hate my lack of short-term memory

I hate my diabetis

I hate that I can no longer drink alcohol

I hate that I'm overweight.

Now after 53 years I have found some new things to hate

I hate that I bump into things

I hate that I drop things

I hate that I break things

I hate that I stumble over my words.

Self-hatred?  Always, always, always.