I Remember...

I remember my window,
spattered with sleet,
the phantasm-feral mist,
hovering  voodoo flares.
A diamond flamed moon...
She brought stone-cold nights,
my breath steam-swept away.

I remember red Roses frozen in time,
heads hanging as if crucified.
The gnawing, growling, winnowing wind
belting my innocent panes.
A finger etching a matchstick man
on a crack-warped mirror.
My tiny feet sinking
into freezing flower-patterned oilcloth,
squashing aged, peeling, ripped petals.

I remember my fish of gold,
gliding, preceding death,
his lollystick headstone.
Never forget Spider, her delicate twines,
silver-toned, embalming an unfortunate earwig.
The tinkling from Blitzen’s bells
echoing through empty avenues...
children sleeping Dolly-mixture dreams.

I remember street lamp beams
spearing shadows on my paperless walls.
Imagination unleashed...
Dogs, dollies, friendly faces,
promenading, Victorian, laced -ladies, 
painted with magical strokes 
from the corridors of this child’s mind. 

I don’t remember glossed horse-chestnuts,
fine fir trees filled with baubles and bows,
a single toy, a teddy bear, doll or Dandy book.
I remember a portrait ‘Our Lady of Lourdes.’
Blue shawl showered her head,
wisps of Autumn-brown hair, lips blossom soft,
bliss-blue eyes...
a veil of peace and perpetual love.
I kneeled each eve, bony body shivering,
my lips slatey-blue...and prayed.

I remember the lime-lanterned Gooseberry bush,
full-fruits morphed to mouldy looking pistachios
dropping to an icy grave.
I don’t remember Candy-cane dreams,
chocolate pennies or tiddlywinks.
Christmas dawned, yawned then disappeared...
My tears...
nowhere to fall.

I remember sprayed sparkles being sieved
through jet clouds then tinkled down
like jasmine water.
The lumps on next-door’s apple tree,
like a firebox in Autumn, scarlet heads.
I wished for any dinner plate...
chipped..better than none.

I remember those smouldering embers
smothered in slate-grey ash...
The flickering of that last blink
and whimpering in my sleep.
 

Artwork 'Girl at the Window' by Antonia Rzhevskaya painted in oils pre 1934.

Faithful photographic reproduction in Public Domain Wikimedia Commons.