Kleine Maus

Gold cherry
Image: 

By Lavenderlooms

Fri, 02 Dec 2016
  • 1867 reads
9 comments
 

Cold winter evenings, warm with the smell of bolognese.

My dog, I loved that dog

We played. Red from running, spinning,

my cheeks flushed- a child always in a rush.

My small nose, defined -

Reminded me of a mouse.

We counted them, my scars,

I told him it was a time of survival,

Shark attacks and war. Forty-five scars.

He looked at me in disgust, words cut deeper-

than any knife.

"What am I meant to do with that?"

Me, all woman

feeling like a child again, a mouse.

I'd imagine a cut slitting my heart, ripping sounds.

Why did he do that? He took and didn't give.

No sense, no reason.

Cold winter evenings, the smell of bolgnese lingering.

We have red cheeks and we are freezing.

You trace my scars carefully,

me all woman, I feel just that.

I ask the same question "why are you doing that?"

Quietly you say "because I love you."

Certificate PG
Poem

Comments

Submitted by Insertponceyfre... on

Firstly, a big welcome to ABCTales! Secondly I love the circular repetition in this poem. The small details create a very touching and intimate word picture - well done, and I hope you post more soon

 

Submitted by Lavenderlooms on

Oh thank you!

I need a lot more practice but I am loving being able to get some ideas down - finally!

 

Submitted by Deliberately Ev... on

This is great work - so raw. You get to see so many facets in this picture you have created. It's a very thought provoking piece of work.

The beat of your heart is the mellifluent rhythm to my soul.

Submitted by seashore on

Welcome Lavenderlooms,  and thank you for bringing this beautiful piece with you.  Loved it.

Submitted by seashore on

This lovely poem is our Facebook and Twitter Pick of the Day.

Please share and retweet if you like it. Congratulations!

Submitted by Philip Sidney on

Beautiful and so very sad.

Submitted by Ray Schaufeld on

Certainly 'thought provoking' as 'accidentally existing' has pointed out. The last line stays with me. To me it seems ambiguous in a good way.. Love? Putting the narrator 'in her place' in an uncomfortable manner?Not sure...

Submitted by Lavenderlooms on

Elsie Katz when I wrote it, I definately had in mind a past partner and then my now current partner. However it does not matter because however you interpret it is also fine. My past partner toyed with me a lot and he probably did say nasty things, then in the next breath made me believe he realy cared and loved me. I appreciate all the comments - here to learn and improve!

 

Submitted by alexwritings on

Excellent poem. The pace is lovely and you handle the atmospheres really well x